#a lot of people like this one so i did want to make it available!

[fablerenown]

I'm gonna be so fucking honest with y'all, some of you are snitching without knowing it. Snitching is not just going to the police and blabbing on your friends (tho if you do that, I hope you get the most painful bone hurting disease that they can neither diagnose nor treat); snitching can be letting little pieces of information through to build a more complete picture that gives fascists an advantage. You have been conditioned to share this information, both in-person and on social media.

You were out at a shooting range this weekend? No you weren't, because if you were you most likely know how to use a gun and you probably own one. If your coworker asks what you did over the weekend, you were definitely at a picnic, not the range (I could go off for a full post about how Coworkers Are Not Your Friends, but that's a post for another time).

That Instagram photo of you with your friends? Don't location tag it. In fact, try not to tag your friends either. Yes, there is metadata in the photo and AI that could reveal information, but that tech isn't widely available. Don't hand out info for free.

If you can, lie. Lie like your life depends on it to everyone but your most trusted friends. Become the most boring person you know, or make your signal so noisy that it's not worth deciphering.

You think it's not that easy? I found my bio dad, his other kids, his current wife, his full address, the full address of each of his kids, and the locations he and his wife work at all off his name and one Facebook connection on someone else's profile. It took me a bit of time, but I did not need to contact anyone or use more than Facebook, Instagram, and Google.

A lot of losers online have nothing to do but be little brown-nosing pig fuckers who find out people's info. If they want your shit, make them fucking work for it.

if you don’t remember anything else for the next 4 years, remember this: don’t be a fucking snitch.

[megs-1800]

The One Where We Were On A Break

Note: Based on the 'we were on a break' episode from Friends. Let me know if you guys want a part 2.

Summary: You call a break after a stupid fight about Mason being jealous. Mason decides to go out and let some steam off but ends up sleeping with someone else. Mason argues you were 'on a break' so didn't cheat but you still decide to end it. What will happen when you have to meet again 6 months later? Will you be able to rekindle your relationships? Will you let all your feelings resurface?

Pairings: Mason Mount x Reader

Word Count: 11.5k

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Swearing and SMUT!

It had been a busy week well actually it has been a crazy 6 months! We have moved to Manchester with Masons transfer and Mason has settle in well to Manchester but it did put a strain on our relationship with the stress of his contract ending but we stuck through it together. I was worried about moving to Manchester as we would be so far away from all our friends and family and I would have had to change jobs but I promised Mason I would stick by him so I didn’t let my worries hit the surface and always put on a brave face for him.

I really struggled to find a job, I have been trained in a lot including management and admin but there wasn’t many jobs around at this time. Mason said he could probably get me a job doing something admin like at united but I wanted to be known for ‘me’ not just ‘Mason Mount’s girlfriend’ so I always declined saying that something would come up.

2 months after we moved I got a message from my ex’s best friend James. We were always close and I saw him like a big brother. He was good to me after me and my ex broke up and totally sided with me after he cheated and helped me rebuild myself. I hadn’t really spoken to him much since he moved to Manchester 3 years ago but he must of saw that I moved since it was all over the news that Mason signed for United. I quickly opened the message “Hey gorgeous girl how have you been?! Long time no see! I saw that you moved to Manchester we defo need to meet up! I wanna hear about everything especially that footballer boyfriend of yours! Let me know when you are free. I know you probably got loads of jobs fighting over you but we have a position at my company that has just become available, so if you are interested I would love to take you out to lunch to discuss it more? xx”.

I didn’t know what to say, this would be massive for me. James works for a high end mental health charity, they have won awards on how impactful they are, I have been seeing it all over James’ socials, this job would be ideal for me. I messaged James straight away accepting. James rang me right back telling me all about the job and we both arranged a lunch to discuss it further. I couldn’t wait to tell Mason, it all sounded to good to be true.

Mason is home early that day, as soon as he walks in the door I cannot stop the massive smile all over my face. “Wow that excited to see me are you?” Mason smirks coming over to me and wrapping his arms around my waist and placing a kiss to my lips. “I always get excited seeing that gorgeous face! But well I kinda got some news” .

“Oh yeah what is that?” Mason asks as he starts putting all of training kit down and comes to sit on the sofa.

“Well I kinda got approached about a job today!” I cannot stop the excitement in my voice.

“Oh wow baby that’s amazing!” Mason places a hand on my thigh and gives me a reassuring smile.

“Yeah it sounds amazing! The pay is INSANE, its only like 10 minutes from here. I will finally be able to start making a difference to people. Apparently the new operations manager is so awful so they reckon she will be leaving soon so you never know I could work my way up. Oh Mase honestly its so ideal, I got a lunch arranged tomorrow about it and they said I might even be able to start next week!” I couldn’t stop the grin that’s beaming off my face.

“Honestly y/n that sounds great. How did you find out about this?”  I felt my stomach drop I wasn’t sure how Mason is going to react. I have never given Mason a reason to doubt me but he wasn’t James’ biggest fan. He always thought James had a thing for me and became very protective around him. Mason has only met James a couple of times at my birthday parties or mutual events but every time Mason made sure to keep an eye on him.

“James” I reply sheepishly. I watched Mason’s face go into shock.

“James?.. are you serious? James really. What the hell is he doing offering you a job?” I can tell Mason seems a little pissed.

“James works for a mental health charity. He is literally like 2nd in charge but he doesn't want the service manager role so he thinking if he can get me in then I might be able to go for it. It sounds amazing Mase. Its got nothing to do with James, he is doing me a favour by getting me this job.” I can see Mason trying to contemplate his answer.

“Y/n you don’t even need a job, I told you to stop panicking and that I can provide for the both of us. Plus what does James get out of getting you this job? What is it like he gets you this job and he gets to get into your knickers?” I am taken back by Mason’s comment and cannot believe he could be actually that rude.

“James gets to have someone hard working and good at their job at his company. I don’t want to live off your money I want to make something for myself plus this has nothing to do with the crush that you THINK James has on me!” I can feel myself started to get a little heated.

“Oh Please Y/N! What other reason does James suddenly have to hire you. He just wants to sleep with you Y/N come on.”  I am now fuming at Mason.

“Oh yeah of course Mason cause God forbid someone actually hires me because I am good at my job and will smash it. Noooo its because I am a good little fuck. You know what fuck off Mason!” I shout the last part as I am storming out the room.

“Y/N wait I didn’t mean it like-“ I didn’t wait for his response as I continued to storm upstairs. I didn’t see Mason for the rest of the night as he gave me my space which I appreciated and I was asleep before he came to bed. I cannot believe he would ruin something I was so excited about like that. I just cannot believe he doesn’t trust me, I have never given him a reason not to trust me and look at him! I am so attracted to him why would I need anyone else? I just wish Mason could see that.

Its icy the next couple of days between me and Mason which we try and keep it civil and not discuss the whole James situation. Mason went off to training and as soon as he leaves I get ready for my lunch with James. I struggle to know what to wear as I want to look professional but also not too much as its not a job interview. I opt in for a little skirt and shirt with a suede jacket to make it look a little more casual.

We meet at the little Café that James wanted to meet at. He is already sat at the table when I arrive.

“Damn look at you” I see him look me up and down which makes me feel a little insecure. “So how have you been?” he asks. I explain about Mason and about the move to Manchester. I confided how it was hard being away from everyone which James is quick to reply with a wink and  a “well at least you know you got ally here” . I wasn’t sure how to respond, James was always flirty but he always knew nothing more would happen.

James tells me all about the job as we tuck into our lunch and coffee’s. It sounds amazing and just everything I wanted. At the end of lunch we argue over the bill which we finally agree to split and start to make our way back to our cars. I give James a small friendly hug and thanked him, which he was straight to respond “So when can you start?” I look at James confused.

“What do you mean? Don’t I need to come in and see your boss? Don’t I need my interview?”

“Well I told my boss all about you once we got off the phone. She absolutely loved you… well I did sell you a little. But in all honesty she knows she is going soon she is really not cut out to be the operations manager so she doesn’t want to interview you. She said she trusts me and well I trust you. So when do you want to start?”

I look at James with shock and I cannot contain my excitement, I am jumping up and down and give James a massive hug. “Thank you so much, honestly thank you. I can start Monday if that’s okay?”

“Perfect” he replies.

The drive home I am scream singing to my Spotify playlist. The past 3 years of Mason and I dating I have done everything for him this is the first time I am doing something for myself and no one can bring my mood down now. When I pull into the driveway my mood instantly changes, I am not sure if I want to tell Mason as he will probably just ruin my mood. I walk into the house slightly not wanting to argue right now.

Mason is the first one to speak “how did lunch go?”

“Good.” I replied bluntly. We haven’t spoken much since the argument the other day so its still a little sour between us.

“Come on I mean it please baby how did it go? I really wanna know.” I admit defeat and wrap my arms around Mason’s neck. I always hated being angry with him.

“It went so great. He said I can start Monday. I honestly cannot believe it Mason. This job is so perfect for me. I cannot believe it.”

Mason wraps one arm around my waist and places the other throw my hair. “I am so proud of you. You are going to be amazing.”

The next 4 months are a whirlwind. The job is everything I wanted and more. Our boss handed her notice of resignation in last month confirming she will be leaving in 2 months time. That leaves me and James to work our ass’s off to get everything ready for our managers departure. There are a lot of talk from our higher up management about me taking the position of service manager which is making me work even harder now I am in the limelight. I am having the time of my life, the problem is Mason isn’t having the same, he is struggling at United. His injuries are getting the better of him and when he is playing he isn’t having the best games. I am trying to be as supportive as I can but its difficult when I am so busy too.

Me and Mason have hardly seen eachother the past couple of weeks, he has been training trying to overcome his injury and I am asleep by the time he is home or the days he gets off early I am working late. Its been tough the past couple of weeks but I just keep trying to tell myself things will get better once I get this promotion.

Its another night of working late again, I messaged Mason earlier today to tell him not to wait up and I will be late. There is 150 cases me and James need to sort through and organise ready for our meeting with the CEO tomorrow. I have my headphones on and I am in the zone as I am typing away when I see my phone ring. I look down and see our picture, knowing Mason was calling. The picture was taken on our family holiday to Greece, it was one of my favourite holidays. Now I am suddenly missing the closeness with Mason. I quickly answer it.

“Hey baby I am so sorry I did say earlier I was going to be late its just-“ Mason cuts me off.

“Come on Y/N its 8pm. Its our anniversary. You promised I would actually see you tonight.” Shit I completely forgot it was our anniversary I completely forget.

“I am sorry baby I only got a couple more hours here then I will be straight home. I will make it up to you. I will wear the red lace outfit you like? Then I promise we will go out for a nice dinner tomorrow. I will turn my phone off so no distractions I promise please just let me have tonight”.  I tried to lighten the mood a little.

“Y/N I tired of having a relationship with your voicemail. I have hardly seen you in weeks. I know its because of your job and soon it will sort it self out but its anniversary. Come on everything will still be there tomorrow just come home” I can hear him pleading. I feel awful.

I go to answer when James walks over “another glass of wine?” he asks. I am quickly shaking my head to shut him up hoping that Mason didn’t hear. I really don’t want an argument tonight.

“Who is that? Is that James?” I can hear the anger in his voice. Here we go I thought.

“yeah James is helping me sort these cases out ready for our meeting in the morning” I am trying to justify.

“Okay great.. so you are spending our anniversary drinking wine with James. Yep makes sense” I can tell he is pissed off.

“Come on Mase don’t start. Its late you have had a long day of training you are probably knackered please don’t start an argument you know that doesn’t need to happen” I am begging now I haven’t got it in me to have this argument right now.

“Well Y/N I am your boyfriend and you see James more then you see me right now so what does that make that?”

I don’t even know what to respond, “you know what Mason I am done with this conversation”

“Great have a nice evening bye” He then hangs up the phone. No matter how angry we are we always say a little ‘love you’ at the end I cannot believe he just hung up. I know I have fucked up now. I can feel the tears in my eyes. I looked up at James who gives me a look of pity “Go” he says, which I mutter a quick thank you and pack my stuff up.

I quickly drive home and run through the door. Mason is sat on the sofa on his phone and doesn’t even acknowledge that I have come home. I stand in the doorway for a little just staring at him but he doesn’t look up from his phone. “I’m sorry” I mutter. He still doesn’t look up. I slowly walk over to him and straddle his hips. He sighs and rolls his eyes. “I’m an idiot Mase come on forgive me” I start kissing his cheek and make my way down to his neck.

I can hear Mason moan as I grind my hips into him but he pushes me off. “Stop I am not in the mood” I let a deep breathe out. “I know I fucked up Mase but I am here now lets enjoy our anniversary. Please I don’t want to argue”.  

“Then you should of thought about that before you decided to spend our anniversary drinking wine with James”

“Oh come on Mason this James bullshit is getting boring. We are working Mase, we are trying to get this presentation completed for tomorrow. I have been there through all of your work shit, come on I moved to fucking Manchester and left my whole life behind for you. All I am asking is for you to be understanding that I am working hard now for my promotion. Stop being selfish”

“Its not about me being selfish. I am completely understanding of your job I just don’t understand why he needs to be up your ass 24/7?”

“Oh come on Mase this is childish. We are working Mason. James is amazing at his job and he is helping me out so I can get my promotion”

“Yeah and what does he want in return?”  I shoot Mason a look, this argument is now getting heated.

“He doesn’t want anything Mason. Maybe he just isn’t selfish like you and wants to actually see other people succeed”

“I want you to succeed Y/N, and you are going to do amazing as the manager and I am so damn proud of you. But you are my girlfriend and I am sick of not seeing you whilst James sees you every minute of every fucking day”

“Stop being jealous Mason its not a good look on you. I have never given you a reason to not trust me, I fucking love you and only you. Get over yourself” I feel so tired I can feel my eyes starting to droop and my anger is getting higher by the minute.

“Well you are spending our anniversary drinking wine with James instead of me”

“We are working Mason! I cannot keep having this same argument with you. I am too tired”

“Exactly Y/N you are too tired. That’s all you have ever been lately, but never too tired for James. I trust you but I don’t trust him. He has got a thing for you Y/N and you are just leading him on by spending all this time with him.”

“I am not doing anything Mason. I am working, I am doing my job. I cannot do this Mason! I am tired of every time we see eachother we argue and we fight over the same stupid shit!” I am now screaming. “You know what Mase, maybe we should just take a break”.

Mason nods “Great idea, you go for a bath and I will cook dinner”

I can feel the sting of the tears in my eyes “no Mase I mean a break from us”  Mason doesn’t reply he stands there staring at me in disbelief. He turns on his heals and walks out the house slamming the door behind him.

I can feel myself drop to the ground as I let the tears out, I didn’t want him to leave I just needed the shouting to stop. I am so tired, I am drained from work and drained from the arguments with Mason I was just so fed up.

I don’t know how long I have been sat there but I see James’ number show up on my phone “Hey I am so sorry for ringing you during your anniversary meal. Is it a bad time?”  I am trying to sniffle to the tears in. “Are you crying? Whats happened?”  he questions.

“I am okay, Mason and I had an argument. He left. Whats up?”

“Uh shit Y/N I am sorry. I should of never asked you to work today. I am sorry, look I still got a half bottle of wine and I really need your help with this last case I keep looking over it and I think I am just too tired I don’t suppose you could help?”

“Sure come over. Mason won’t be home anytime soon”

Mason’s POV

I shouldn’t of walked out but I am just so broken, how could you call a break? I get we both are tired and strained from not seeing eachother but to call a break really. I just didn’t know how to react.

I started walking then realised I had no where to go. That’s when I remember Declan is in Manchester as he played City yesterday and we were due to see Declan and Lauren for dinner tomorrow which I am now guessing will be cancelled. I quickly ring Declan, he answers after 2 rings “Yo Mase how you doing?” I don’t even know how to respond to that, I am anything but good right now.

“Not great, me and Y/N just had a fight. Just need to let off some steam”  I could hardly hear Declan he must be in a club somewhere all I can hear is the base.

“I am out with some of the Arsenal boys to the celebrate the win from yesterday. You are more then welcome to join I can send you the address?”

I quickly agree and Declan tells me the club he is at and I quickly order an uber. I know you get the uber receipt so I know you see that I am going to a club. When the uber pulls up the sound of the club suddenly hits me. I speak to the bouncer who lets me straight in and I make my way up to the booth Declan is at. It’s a lot more quieter over in this section.

I quickly get a couple of drinks in me to catch up and quickly explain the fight to Declan and the boys. I continue to drink at this point and now the alcohol is starting to hit me, all I can think about is you. What have I done? I turn to Dec:

“Did I just make an awful mistake causing that fight with Y/N?”

“Well has she done anything with this James? Anything that makes you think she will cheat? She tells Lauren everything and this James has never come up so I am confused?”

“Well not exactly… He fancies the fuck out of her which is clear and she is just spending all this time with him and neglecting our relationship. Nothing has happened they work together but I just know he wants her?”

“But she doesn’t want him? Y/N loves you more then anything Mase she would never do anything to hurt you. I get you are jealous we all get jealous sometimes when someone wants something that is ours but doesn’t mean that she will ever do anything to hurt you.”

I knew Declan was right, I cannot believe this was all because I was jealous of some guy. I quickly explained that I was going to call you. I quickly went outside the club where it was quiet and rang your number. I see your face light up the phone as its ringing, you are the most beautiful girl in the world. The line continued to ring forever which I see its passed midnight so you have probably fallen asleep that’s when the line connects.

“Hello” the voice answers. That’s James’ voice wtf. Why is he answering your phone? Why is he with you after midnight just after you called a break? Have you slept with him? Whats happened? I cannot believe we just broke up and you went running to him. I am fuming. I quickly hung the phone up and storm back inside.

I can feel the anger burning inside of me, that’s when I see a little blonde girl stood over at the bar. She is speaking to her friend but keeps flicking her eyes in my direction. I look her up and down. I hate myself for even looking at her like that. But if Y/N cheated then I am free to do the same.

I go over there and start talking to her, I offer her a drink which she agrees. She is the exact opposite to you. She is short and has the tinniest dress on that only just covers her bum. She has a head full of extensions and cover in fake tan. I love how you are more natural, you are my type in every way but tonight anger and alcohol have overtaken me.

The last thing I remember is having her grinding on me while Dec keeps asking me what the hell I am doing? I feel her tongue in my mouth and it feels foreign and wrong but I take another shot and then that’s the last thing I remember.

The next thing I know I am waking up, my head is pounding and I feel like I am going to be sick. I look over and I see the girl I was dancing with curled up next to me naked and now I want to be sick again but for a different reason. I hate myself I cannot believe I have done this.

I quickly look at my phone and its 6am in the morning, I see a couple of messages from Dec asking what the hell happened. I see a voicemail from you. I quickly get dressed and make my way out. I see her roommate sitting in the kitchen which looks straight to the bedroom door. I put my head down and continue to the front door. Once outside I listen to the voicemail:

“Please answer Mase I am sorry, you were right. Once you left James called saying he was stuck on the last case and needed my help. I let him come over and I told him what happened. He confessed his feelings for me and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away Mason and told him to get out. I don’t want him. Look I only want you. I will quit my job if it will make you feel better please I just want us, you are all that matters to me. Please come home so we can talk about this please baby. I love you”.

Fuck now I feel even more sick, nothing happened between you two and now I slept with someone for nothing. This cannot be happening. When I get home I see you are curled up in bed sleeping on my side, you usually do this as you say it has my scent. I curl up next to you and spoon you, “I love you more then you will ever know baby girl” you hum into me and relax into my arms knowing I am home.

“Mase I am sorry” I hear you mutter. “Me too baby girl. Its okay we are all okay” I say as I trace my finger up your back to send you to sleep. I can’t let you find out, I cannot break your heart.

Readers POV

The next couple of weeks are perfect, I got the role as operations manager and things has calmed down at work. Now that I have been promoted I barely have time to talk to James and if I do its strictly about work. I am home so much more and Mason is making sure he spends all his free time with me. We are perfect and the happiest we have been in ages, so maybe that fight did help. Me and Mason didn’t really discuss the fight, we just moved on.

I am eating my lunch at my desk, when Maria from HR knocks on the door.

“Sorry are you on lunch I can come back?” I quickly swallow my mouthful and tell her its fine and she comes in and sit across the desk opposite me.

“Look I have been really debating whether or not to say anything but I know if it was me I would like to know?” I haven’t really had much dealings with Maria since I have started only really HR inquiries regarding staff I am wondering what she was talking about. Is someone talking about me behind my back. I am wondering.

“Look I know its not my place as it’s a personal issue but as I said before if it was me I would like to know. A couple of weeks ago my roommate went on a night out with her friends. She came home with this guy, I didn’t really get too much of a look until the morning when he snuck out of her bedroom. I saw that it was Mason Mount. I asked her about it and she confirmed they slept together, she isn’t into football so has no idea who he is so she has no reason to lie about it. James let is slip a couple of days ago that you are dating Mason and I have been fighting with my head ever since whether or not to say anything to you”.

“James had no right to discuss my personal life with you, I like to keep things very personal. But I appreciate you telling me thank you”

Maria didn’t really say much else and escorted herself out, I can feel the tears rolling down my face once I am alone and my heart is beating erratically. Mason has always had a lot of cheating rumours out but never this close to home, plus he never came home from our fight until after 6am and everytime I ask where he went he brushes over the question so it makes a lot of sense. I quickly wipe my eyes and call my assistant in “look I have a family emergency and need to go home can you block my diary out for the rest of the day. I will be back tomorrow”. She nods and I dart out of the office and make my way to my car. As soon as I am in the safety of my car I let the tears roll as I scream cry into the steering wheel. I have to confront Mason about this as I make the journey back to the house, the longest journey of my life.

Mason comes home about 20 minutes after me, I am sat on the sofa trying to control my breathing when I hear the key in the door. “Babe you are home early? All okay?” I hear Mason shout as he makes his way through the house. He stops in the living room doorway when he spots me “Why are you crying? Whats happened?” He quickly runs over to me and wraps me in his arms.

“Get off me!” I shout but its not very loud over the sound of my sniffles as I push him away. He looks confused.

“What have I done?” Mason asks, I can tell he has no idea what has happened. Just for a second I hope that maybe what was said was wrong but I know deep down my gut knows the truth.

“Come on Mason at least give me the courtesy of telling me the truth please” I am now crying and really cannot control my breathe as I am hyperventilating. Mason still looks at me confused I hate that he is playing dumb. “A-After our fight, w-where d-did y-you g-go?” I try and get out but my tears are causing me to struggle.

“I told you baby I went to the club with Declan and some of the boys? Whats this all about?” he tries to rub my leg  to comfort me but the look I give him he quickly removes his hand.

“No Mason! After the club where did you go?”  I can see the panic in his eyes, I can see him trying to work out how much I know?

“I told you that I ended up crashing at a hotel as I wasn’t sure if you wanted me home?” He lies very well I am thinking.

“You see Mason that’s not all true is it?” I can see him swallow and the panic is starting to set in “one of the girls I work with saw you come out of their roommates bedroom in the morning. I didn’t want to believe her so I rang your assistant and asked for the name of the hotel that you stayed at that night which she provided. The problem is that I rang that hotel pretending to be your assistant and ask for a copy of the receipt, they said it was booked but you never actually checked in so they decided not to charge you. So you never stayed there Mason so why lie? You covered your tracks very well telling your assistant to book that room but just didn’t cover your tracks good enough I suppose.” I can feel the tears rolling down my face which I cannot stop.

“Please baby I am sorry it was stupid it meant nothing that’s why I lied. I know it would break you I wanted to protect you.” I can feel myself break at his words my heart is shattering. I can see Mason’s tears rolling down his face too.

“Why did you do it? We had a fight Mason. All relationships do that. Please we have had worst arguments in the past so why did you decide to go fuck someone else. Was I just not enough for you anymore?”

Mason places his hands on mine, “No baby please don’t think that. You are perfect, you are everything! I was stupid and way too drunk I don’t even remember it please believe me.”

“You have been drunk many times in the past and haven’t cheated so why this time? Or have you cheated in the past and just lied about that too?”

“No please I have never cheated before. Please this time was a stupid fucking mistake y/n please believe me.”

“I feel like there is more to it Mason! Why this time? Why this fight did you just go out and decide to fuck someone else?!” I shout knowing Mason is holding back on the truth.

“Look okay I went out to the club with Declan and the boys to let some steam off. They talked sense into me and I went to ring you about midnight to apologise. When I rang James answered the phone. I thought that you slept with him okay I was angry and hurt-“

“So you thought that two wrongs make a right!”

“I know it was childish okay I was just pissed off that you went running straight to him and I thought with the time that maybe something happened. I wasn’t thinking okay baby I am sorry please forgive me. I made a stupid mistake. Then when I woke up in the morning and you left that voicemail putting the story straight about what happened with James I felt awful I just didn’t want to loose you”. Mason is now crying hard and keeps playing with his hair.

I took a deep breathe trying to hold myself together “okay Mase. Say that I did sleep with James. Would you of forgiven me?”

“Of course I would baby. Its you!”

“So you would have been okay knowing that James has been intimate with me? That has seen me naked? That he touched me, placed his hands all over my body? Made me cum-“

“Okay Okay” Mason cuts me off. “I would have been hurt yes of course I would. It would of broken me. But I couldn’t of let you go y/n. You mean so much to me I couldn’t of just thrown away everything we have”.

“Well Mason you kinda already have, you throw everything with us away the second you decided to cheat”.

“Please y/n p-please” Mason is a completely mess. “Just tell me what you want and I will do it. I will do anything to make things okay.”  Mason then grabs me and pushes a deep kiss onto me, I don’t kiss him back I just sit there and gently push Mason off me. He lays on my chest crying into me which is hurting me more. I hate seeing Mason so broken but I have to remember he is the one that done this.

I grab Mason’s face so he looks me in my eyes “I want you to leave Mason that’s what I want” .

Mason pulls away from me and gives me a pissed look “I am not leaving.” He is stern with that comment.

“Okay so you made me move to Manchester where I have no one and then won’t even let me stay in the house where am I even going to go? I haven’t even been paid yet. So you really going to let me leave knowing I have no one and no money, wow I guess I know what kind of guy you are really like that.”

I can tell Mason is hurt by this, he was always a gentleman and I know deep down he won’t just leave me on the street with nothing. “I mean both of us are not leaving y/n, we can both stay and sort this out.”

“Sort what out Mason? You cheated on me there is nothing to sort out”

“I didn’t technically cheat! We were on a break” I look at Mason with so much disgust at that comment.

“I called a break because I was angry at having the same argument. Not because I stopped loving you! But I guess you did because if you loved me you wouldn’t of just slept with the next slag you saw!”

“Please y/n I love you more then anything. It was a mistake please lets just talk about this. We can sort it please its us”.

“Okay how was she?” Mason looks pissed at this question

“What kind of fucking question is that Y/N?” I can see the hurt in his eyes. Its breaking his heart just as much as its breaking mine.

“You wanted to talk about it.. so lets talk about it! How was she?”  Mason ignored my question knowing whatever answers he makes will make the situation worse. He knows I am currently in the argumentative mood. I am getting fed up of Mason just looking at me. At this point we both stood up in the middle of the living room just staring at eachother. “Come on Mase.. did it feel good to hold her? To feel all over her body? To feel the warmness of that-“

“Fucking stop it Y/N!” Mason shouted interrupting me. “what will it take for all of this to go away Y/N?. Name it and I will do anything please, I will give you time if that’s what you need, I will get on my hands and knees and beg if that’s what you want please baby just don’t leave me. I need you”. I heard his voice break at the last sentence. All I want is to wrap him up and make everything okay, but I have to stay strong. I have to make myself remember what Mason did to me.

“Just give me some time okay Mase. I gotta go” I didn’t wait for Mason to reply. I grabbed my phone and keys off the side and made my way to the car and just drove. I had no idea where I was going but I just let the tears fall.

Mason’s POV

Its been 2 weeks since you left and I cannot breathe, I am an absolute mess. I cannot even bring myself to tell anyone we broke up, when my family asked why you not attending family lunch I just kept saying you are ill or working. I feel like if I tell people the truth then I have to admit to myself its real.

The only person that knows the truth is Declan I rang him that night that you left I was a mess and couldn’t contain myself. I loved you more then words could say and I made a mistake. As soon as a I blurted out everything that happened to Dec his reply was:

“I know mate”

“What do you mean you know?” I asked confused

“Come on, her and Lauren talk like everyday. Where do you think she has gone?” I feel my heart suddenly drop I am gutted that she went there, part of me hoped she would drive around for a couple of hours then come home but deep down I knew she wasn’t coming back.

“How is she?” I asked

“Uh not great mate. She is a mess. Just give her some time Mase. You never know she might come around.”

At that sentence my heart broke, I know I had to give you space. At least I know you are safe with our friends which is the main thing. A couple of days later I got a message from you it was only 9am but I was getting ready to leave for training “Are you at training today?” I felt the excitement in me, did you want to talk this out? Are you going to take me back? I quickly replied “Yeah I am at training until 5pm. Did you want to see me? I can try and get out early or I can meet you afterwards? Xxx” You didn’t reply to that message but after training I saw on the ring doorbell that you had been at the house. I quickly drove home hoping you were there, the house looked the same but you weren’t here. When I went to the bedroom I saw all of your things were gone. Its officially over. I sat on my bed and let the tears fall.

Its been 6 months since the breakup, I have tried to message you and call you but all was ignored. I even offered to buy you a flat so you could stay near your job but again nothing. I ask Lauren and Dec about you which they just keep it basic saying that you are doing well and your job is good. You stayed in Manchester which I am grateful for and I really hope that one day we will bump into each other. They don’t really give me anymore information telling me to move on. I wonder if you have moved on too.

Reader’s POV

I am excited for tonight, its Declan’s birthday and they are having a big party at a club. It’s the 1st time I have been out in the months. Work has been crazy I felt like I haven’t stopped in the months. To be honest I have thrown myself into work to not think about Mason. Even the thought of him makes me want to throw up, my heart melts at the thought of those eyes.

I am going to see him tonight so I need to be strong. At least I am not showing up alone, I have been dating this guy for a couple a weeks. Nothing serious just seeing how things are going, when I compare him to Mason there is no competition, Mason was perfect! But at the same time he broke my heart so maybe perfect isn’t perfect.

I am curling the last couple of strands of my hair when I hear a knock at my flat door, I quickly go to open it and see Danny standing there. Danny walks straight passed me and throws himself on the sofa in the living room without a word.

“Ugh I could so do with not going tonight!” I give him a sympathetic look.

“Sorry baby did you want a drink?” I ask “you know you don’t have to go tonight if you don’t want to”.

“Its okay I told my friends I would pop in it would be rude not to now” Its also Danny’s friends birthday and he is going to the same club which done us a favour as we can attend both events at once. Obviously Dec’s will probably be in a private area of the club but still at least Danny can see his friends.

Danny looks me up and down “are you seriously wearing that?” I look down at myself I am only wearing a simple black mini dress with my Louis Vuitton heals that’s Mason brought me years ago but they are my only nice heals.

I suddenly feel insecure “whats wrong with what I am wearing?”

“Nothing really just short.”

“I thought I looked nice.” I replied. Danny just looked me up and down again and didn’t say a word. Mason would never make me feel like that, he always made sure to pay me a compliment. I am usually insecure especially going to events like this with loads of pretty girls, and now I feel like shit. But I am not with Mason anymore so I get that thought out of my head and put my big girl pants on.

I am finishing getting ready when Danny stands in the doorway shouting at me “The taxi is here y/n for fuck sake hurry up”. I quickly run to the door and follow him out, as soon as we are in the taxi I can feel the coldness on my arms I definitely should of brought a coat.

As we walk into the club its very loud. I suddenly feel a rush of anxiety. I look around and Danny has already left my side and ran over to his mates. I roll my eyes at his sudden abandonment. I go to walk over to the bar when I see Paige and Rita. They are both WAGs who I got close to when me and Mason moved down. “Hey babes! I haven’t seen you in ages” Paige said and walks me over to the bar.

The rest of the night is amazing, I go over to speak to Declan and I am chatting away with everyone. I haven’t seen a lot of them since Mason and I broke up so it was nice to have a chat. I am stood at the bar going to order another drink when I feel a presence next to me. When I turn I see Mason has taken the space.

“What you drinking?” He asks. Damn it he looks fucking fit. I can feel butterflies in my stomach.

“Vodka lemonade please” I reply. Mason nods and orders 2 vodka lemonades

“So how have you been?” Mason asks he looks nervous as he keeps looking down, “you look incredible by the way” I can feel myself blushing and my heart pounding in my chest.

“Thank you Mase. You look good too. Hope you are doing well” I am so nervous I do not know what to say. We haven’t spoken a word since the break up.

“I have been alright I guess. Injuries have caught up so not great. Hard not having you around.” I give Mason a small smile. I have been watching his career and know about his injuries.

“I will always be your number one fan Mase” I give Mason a little wink and thank him for the drink and walk back to the girls.

The rest of the night all I can think about was that conversation. I can see Mason look over at me now and again everytime our eyes meet we smile and quickly look away. I am having a great night dancing away, I am quite tipsy with the amount of alcohol consumed. I am chatting away to Rita when I feel a tug on my wrist. “We are going home now!” Danny lowly shouts in my ear. He pulls me away from Rita so I am isolated. “My friends have left now and I am not sitting here with these people so lets go!”. I can tell Danny has had quite a lot to drink, his eyes are dark.

“I am not going yet, I haven’t seen these people in a long time so I want to stay for a little. I can meet you back at mine later if you want?”

Danny gives me a look whilst his grip tightens on my wrist “No you are coming with me! And we are leaving now!”

I have never seen Danny like this and its scaring me. “Danny please let me go you are scaring me”  I say trying to get my wrist free.

He tightens his grip and I can feel my wrist bruising, “we are leaving now” he repeats and starts trying to drag me out.

"Danny let the fuck go!” I shout as I try to pull my wrist again.

Next thing you know I feel a hand around my waist. “If I were you mate I would let her go” I turn to look at Mason and can see the anger in his eyes. Danny releases his grip on my wrist enough for my to pull my wrist away. I can feel the sting as the bruising has started. Danny squares up to Mason.

He then turns to me and looks me up and down “fuck you anyway y/n, you are dressed like an absolute slag anyway!” Mason goes to raise his hand which I quickly grab it and lower it back down before anyone sees. “He’s not worth it” I whisper into Mason’s ear. At that Danny walked away. Mason turns to me and inspects my wrist “are you okay?” he asks. I nod and quickly run out of the club embarrassed at the scene that Danny has just caused.

I feel the cold air hit me as I reach outside. Its freezing and I look at my phone it is 10pm so its pitch black. I can feel my heart start to calm down after that confrontation. I am just about to go inside due to not being able to feel my arms any longer due to the cold I see Mason approach in front of me. He quickly takes off his coat and puts it over my shoulders.

“Thank you for the coat and for inside” I can hear how nervous I sound.

“Its no worries. What are you doing with a prick like that anyway? I thought you had better taste?”

I giggle “well I thought I had better taste as well but hear we are. Apparently I go for cheaters or arseholes apparently.”

“Ouch” Mason says holding his heart and we both giggle.

“I mean it Mase thank you for what you did in there. I really appreciate”

“Don’t be silly I will always come to your rescue” he winks “don’t listen to him. You look fucking incredible y/n by the way. Don’t let him ruin your night.”

“Thank you. I am probably just going to make a move”

Mason looks disappointment “you leaving already? Come on I didn’t get a dance yet”

I cannot tell if Mason is just trying to cheer me up or trying to flirt “Dance? What you Mason Mount is going to dance with me? What you going to dance like this?” I reply doing his celebratory dance.

Mason laughs at my re-enactment. “Please just stay. Declan would be gutted if you left because of that prick”

I nod “I am doing it for Dec, not you tho Mount.”

“Your staying.. so I am taking that as a win”

Mason guides me back inside and takes the coat of my shoulder, he doesn’t leave my side the whole night. Getting me drinks, swaying with me to the music. We even share a little kiss, I can see Declan sniggering in the background.

I look at the time and see its nearing midnight and I can feel my legs hurting from the heals. I am holding onto Mason for balance at the moment. “I think I best get going” I say to Mason.

He looks down at me and places and strand of hair behind my ears “It is getting late, I am probably going to get going too. I will order us a taxi”.

“Mase I literally live in the complete opposite direction to town to you. I can get my own taxi honestly its fine”

We walk around and say our goodbyes to everyone and meet again in the middle as Mason leads me out the club and wraps his coat around me again.

“I wasn’t offering about the taxi I was telling. Its early hours of the morning and do you really think I am going to let you get a taxi on your own?” I nod knowing Mason isn’t going to give in. Mason asks me for my address.

“Shit” I say. Mason looks at me confused. “What you forgotten your address or something?” he laughs.

I roll my eyes at him. “No! I gave Danny a set of my keys as he was suppose to stay tonight. Fuck I really don’t want to go home in case he is there waiting for me. Um maybe take me to the nearest hotel and I will stay there for the night and then I can get the locks changed tomorrow”.

“Absolutely not! You got no clothes and are not staying in a hotel on your own.”

“What do you suggest then?” I shiver now really starting to feel the cold even with Mason’s coat wrapped around me.

“Maybe you can come back to mine? Not like that before you think anything but you can wear my clothes and at least you will be comfortable.”

I looked at Mason debating his offer. As much as I really don’t want to go to his house, the house we used to share together. I really do not want to go home and be confronted by Danny. I nodded accepting Mason’s offer.

The taxi ride was silent, we both sat there looking out the window. You could cut the tension with a knife. We both wanted to say something but at the same time we both couldn’t bring ourselves to say anything.

As we pull up the drive way, I can see Mason looking at me. I have been walking apprehensivly into the house as I take a slow stride. Mason walks straight in and throws his keys in the bowl and starts taking off his shoes. I am still stood in the doorway just looking around. “It hasn’t changed.” I commented.

“Of course not. Not much has changed since you left to be honest” I continue to walk around like the surroundings were new to me eventhough 6 months ago this was the place I called home. All the memories come flooding back of the last time we were stood there together or us shouting and fighting. The heartbreak that I felt. I can feel a tear rolling down my cheek. Mason quickly walks over to me and wipes the tear away. “Why you crying beautiful?” I try and give him a fake smile which I know he can see straight through.

“I don’t know. I think I am just drunk and tired you know” I try and put on a brave face.

“Come on Y/N you actually think I believe that?”

“Okay its just shit you know, we were so perfect and to think the last time we were stood here what happened. Its just so fucked you know”

“I know. Believe me I go through that fight every day in my head. My biggest mistake I ever made was letting you go. Everyone says it.”

I continue to look down, I have no words. Mason takes the coat from me and I feel a sudden hit of coldness again.

“You can have a shower if you want? You look frozen”

I nod my head as I follow Mason up the stairs. He passes me a set of towels. I am not sure where the confidence comes from. “Will you join me?” I ask. I can feel my heart beating waiting for his reply.

Mason nears closer to me “are you sure? I mean I am definitely up for that but are you sure you are?”

“Yeah I am shattered I would love for you to shower me right now”

Mason nods and starts stripping. I am trying my hardest not to watch but as he starts removing his shirt and I see those abs I can feel my mouth water. That’s when I realise I am standing there staring for too long as he is left in his boxers and I am still fully clothed.

“You kinda have to get undressed to go for a shower” Mason jokes

“Uh y-yeah of course” I stutter

I slowly take my dress of leaving me in my little black underwear set which Mason eyes are instantly on me. I quickly try and cover myself up feeling all of a sudden insecure.

“You know you don’t need to do it. I have seen you naked like a thousand times. Besides you have the most sexiest body in the world” I quickly relax at Mason’s comment he always knew how to make me feel good about myself.

I make my way to the bathroom and start the shower. Mason comes in with a hair clip. I look at him confused. “You left the clip here and I just couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. I know you don’t like getting your hair wet when its not ‘hair wash day’” He used his fingers to empathises the ‘hair way day’ which I giggle at him remembering the memory. I thanked him and wrapped my hair into the clip.

I strip out of my underwear and get under the water, the hot water hitting my cold skin is like ecstasy. Mason then opens the door to join me, we stand a metre apart just staring at eachother both not knowing how to act. He grabs the body wash from the side and slowly lathers it into my body, the feeling of his hands on my body is unexplainable. Its like all I ever need.

I stand relaxing into his touch as we continue in the shower. “You can go get dry and I will finish showering?” Mason offers. I quickly wrap the towel around my body and make my way back into the bedroom. I open Mason’s draws and quickly pull a pair of his boxers and t-shirts and quickly put it on.

I go back into the bathroom to wash my face “I have never known someone to look so fit in a pair of mens boxers you know” I blush at Mason and continue to wash my face. Mason comes up behind me, the specks of water trailing down his chest with the towel wrapped around his abdomen. He turns me around facing him, I can feel his breathe on my neck which is giving me goosebumps.

“I really hate you for you did to me. How you broke my heart”

Mason pulls me closer so we are chest to chest “I really hate how you turned up to my bestfriends birthday with some dickhead”.

“I guess we both made mistakes.” I commented. Mason nods and hums to my comment. I can see him look between my lips and my eyes. I do the same. I feel myself wrap my arms around Mason’s neck to bring him closer. Mason places one hand on my waist and the other on the sink trapping me between him and the sink. I feel him slowly lower his lips to mine, it’s a soft patient kiss. He pulls aways and waits for my reaction. All I know in this moment is that I need him.

I pull Mason closer and continue the kiss but this time with passion and urgency. I use one of my hands through his hair as I grab it as a way of a controlling the kiss. I hear him moan into the kiss as a response. I can feel his tongue darting around my lips attempting to get access which I allow, we deepen the kiss and he places his hands on my bum as he pushes himself closer into me and I can feel his bulge growing under the towel.

He slowly starts removing the boxers which he looks me in the eye to make sure I am okay. At this moment I am not stopping him, I am not thinking all I want is him. Once the boxers are removed he grabs me again and continues the kiss this time he is the one dominating the kiss. He quickly picks me up and places me on the bathroom side. Mason spreads my legs and stands inbetween them with his lips attached back to mine. He has one hand on my face controlling the kiss and the one hand under the tshirt exploring my body. I can feel the way his hand is caressing my boob as I feel his finger slip over my nipple causing me to moan. I can feel his dick starting to harden. I take the towel off of his hips and let his dick spring up. I reach down between us and wipe the precum of the top of his dick with my thumb and wipe it down the shaft as I start to make steady movements.

Mason puts his head back at my actions “fuck y/n that feels incredible” it is urging me on more. I can feel myself get wet at the sight of Mason feeling pleasure. Mason quickly grabs my hand to steady my movements. I let go and look at Mason confused as if I have done something wrong.

Mason is quick to reassure me “Its not you its just that I haven’t felt your hands in a long time and I am really close. You are way too good at that and I really want to cum inside you” I giggle at how innocent Mason sounds.

I start kissing Mason’s neck and giving it a small suck probably leaving a hickey I then whisper in his ear trying my best to be seductive “well why don’t you cum inside me then” Mason brings my head up so we are eye level and I can see the lust in his eyes. He shakes his head “No baby I wanna taste you first”.

I feel my heart skip a beat as Mason pulls away and gets on his knees in front of the sink where I am sat. He opens my legs wide and makes small kisses to my thighs slowly working his way to my centre. I can feel myself getting wetter at the anticipation. Mason tongue then darts across my centre and a moan of his name escapes my lips. I can feel Mason smile into me. He continues to lick my centre and then I can feel him teasing my clit with his tongue, he always knew how to make me feel good. “Uh Mase please” I beg. He stops and looks me up into the eyes and I can feel my heart melt. He gives me such a cocky smile, he knows how good he makes me feel. He sucks on two of his fingers and slowly inserts them into me which I have to take a sharp breathe at the sudden impact inside of me. Mason then returns his tongue to my clit working his magic. Its only taking a couple of minutes before I am nearing my high. I put my hands straight through his hair pulling myself closer to him needing his touch, that’s all I can focus on right now. Mason breathes onto me “Come on baby be a good girl and cum for me” at his words I am trembling as I unravel with my orgasm.

Mason stands straight up inbetween my legs attaching his lips to me, I can taste my cum on his lips, Mason picks me up and walks me over to the bed. As he is carrying me I take this opportunity to take the top off that I am wearing. Mason mouth goes straight to my nipple sucking it, which I cannot hold in the moan that escapes me. Mason throws me onto the bed “I could hear your moans all day. I love that sound”  Mason says as he crawls over the top of me. He separates my legs with his ensuring he is inbetween mine. Mason continues to kiss me as he grinds himself down which I can feel his dick throbbing inbetween us.

I start kissing and nibbling Mason’s neck which I can feel the hickey I am leaving behind “Uh y/n/n that feels amazing.” This fuels me on more as I make sure to keep grinding my hips back into Mason’s, and I can tell I am driving him insane. Mason pulls away. “I gotta put it inside you. I need to feel that pussy” I give Mason a smile in agreement knowing I need him just as much right now. He goes to line himself up with me but then stops and looks at me.

“Are you still on the pill? I am um don’t have any you know here” I give Mason a little giggle at how embarrassed he sounds about it. “Oh wow the famous Mason Mount has no condoms in his house! Bloody hell what have you been upto to have run out of condoms?”  I tease Mason “but yes I am still on the pill but at the same time how many girls have you been sleeping with cause I really do not want to be catching anything?” I am have now pushed myself up with my arms so I am now sitting up and Mason is now sitting on his knees in front of me, his dick still as hard as ever though.

“Honestly I have only slept with 2 girls and both times I used protection so I know I am clean but I could ask you the same question cause Danny the prick looks like he has been around” Mason jokes.

I roll my eyes but take a deep breath as a response “I haven’t slept with anyone, I haven’t actually slept with Danny. We have done stuff but not actually fucked. I have been totally celibate since we broke up.” Mason looks at me shocked.

“Wait hold on you haven’t slept with anyone. Not even that Danny damn” I can tell that has majorly increased Mason’s ego knowing no one else has actually be inside me since we broke up. I quickly speak up not wanting to increase his ego more. “Will you just fuck me Mason. I need you inside me now!” Mason quickly climbs back onto of me straight away and gives me a passionate kiss in return. He gives himself a couple of pumps and then lines himself up with me.

He gives it a couple of seconds and lets me adjust to his size, I can feel my walls tighten against him. “You can move Mase” I say and Mason doesn’t waste any time getting into a rhythm. I continue to moan Mason’s name, his cock is something else and I can feel myself edging towards my orgasm.

Mason looks me in the eyes as he continues his rhythm “I am sorry baby girl but I need to ruin you right now” I can see the lust in his eyes. He grabs one of my legs and puts it over his shoulder and does the same with the other. He then grabs the back of my thighs and starts pounding into me. The new position has made his dick go further inside me.  I can feel Mason’s rhythm has started to get sloppy as I can feel him nearing his orgasm. “Have you got another one in there for my baby?” I moan in response but then Mason reaches down to play with my clit to help me edge closer, Mason then hits that sweet spot and I am seeing stars as I grab onto the duvet as I let myself go. Mason then cums alongside me, he moans into my neck as I can feel him unload inside me. Mason then slowly pulls out as we are both sensitive and flops to the side.

“Damn I missed our sex” Mason says trying to catch his breath from our recent activity. “Well if we are being honest I miss everything about you. I am really sorry y/n”. I can feel a lump in my throat suddenly all the feelings from that day come back. “Lets not say anything else lets just enjoy that moment”. I get out of bed to clean up which Mason joins me and I throw on his tshirt and a pair of his boxers. Mason passes me a glass of water and some pain killers saying “you have had a lot to drink so you will thank me in the morning” and we climb into bed.

Mason lays on his back and opens his arms which I come and join and lay on his chest. I can feel his hand on my back as his other hand is being used to play with my hair. I can feel myself start to drift off to sleep. There is so much I want to say but right now in this moment in time the world has stopped spinning and I am just going to let myself enjoy this moment with Mason. All of the other relationship life stuff can wait until tomorrow.

[alacants]

okay c'mon you can't mention "darth carlitos" in the tags and not tell us more about it

ok i have consulted my collaborator and reconstructed most of this idea. and learned an important lesson about both hubris and note-taking.

so this is part of a broader fic idea known as "into the carlitosverse", where the night after the cincy meltdown, at the peak of sincaraz divorce era™, carlos gets a glimpse of other possible universes where it could, in fact, be worse. these come to him in order of increasing badness, with darth carlitos being the sixth and final vision.

(other universes cut for space reasons but available upon request. i wrote up all THOSE notes just fine, apparently.)

the divergence point is, what if jannik is the one to tell carlos he has. Feelings… and carlos who has internalized from his coach that you don't, you can't, do that on tour shoots him down in cold blood. (juanki premise repurposed wholesale from this fic.) which just like. totally crushes jannik. since getting the nerve to put himself out there was a huge deal that entailed facing up to personal fears about like, vulnerability and and what kind of a life he wanted to live as a tennis player and what he wanted to prioritize in the now vs the future, a very difficult existential struggle he managed to work though because he was so sure carlos would say yes. AND THEN.

(it's kerrigan/lowdermilk's say the word. just realized that.)

jannik then proceeds to completely fall apart from indian wells through wimbledon. gossip thrives on tour and now carlos has a reputation as kind of a dick! like. damn he was really leading sinner on huh. obviously the story grows in the telling lmao but it's undeniable that people like jack draper and the entire italian davis cup team have alcaraz on fucking notice. (ops had a lot of fun taking this to increasingly wild lengths like. darren's super worried about jannik, which trickles back through lleyton hewitt, and now alex de minaur is giving carlos side eye?? and katie backing up jack's story which tbh no one actually believed means the gossip spreads through the brits, too, etc, etc… you can guess where this ended up…)

as a result of jannik's mental collapse carlos' 2024 dominance is even more dominant than it was irl. and the more you win, the more people are going to look for reasons not to like you.

carlos obviously thrives around people! he wants to like them and to be liked by them! so. this sucks. and he kinda knows it's his own fault, but also… is it?? it's not FAIR. so like. fine! if no one likes him any more, fine! he's here to play tennis, not make friends. ← a blatant lie.

wimbledon: jannik goes out r1. carlos is REALLY on the shit list with matteo when they meet in the wimbledon semifinal. it's so bad that after the match matteo doesn't shake carlos' hand and like, holy SHIT. now not just the players' grapevine but also the public rumor mill goes into overdrive. are they beefing because carlos had a couple time violations that weren't called during the match? is it because of the lopsided 6-1, 6-3, 6-2 scoreline? or is it because of the rumor that's been floating around that carlos alcaraz is a player?? DID HE STEAL MATTEO'S GIRLFRIEND OMG

how quickly public opinion can curdle. the crushing guilt + generalized unhappiness + unfairness of it all means that carlitos starts going a little unhinged when things go wrong during matches. as in he starts smashing racquets. with increasing frequency. there's also a lot of yelling at his box. there's juanki looking increasingly more haggard as the season goes on. possibly ferru is called in to help at this point but carlitos doesn't listen to him. team morale is shit at the olympics and davis cup. carlos loses the olympic final to novak and nearly fires juanki (there but for the grace of ferru, etc). then, after jannik heroically pulls himself together and scrapes out like, 3000+ points from just the na/asian hard court swing to make the atp finals and thrashes everyone in his group to make the semifinal - he plays carlos. and then jannik wins that match. carlos feels something almost like relief, almost like desperation. he goes to the net, goes in for a hug... and jannik pulls back and very politely shakes his hand. and carlos does his cool down, media rounds, goes back to the hotel and fires juanki on the spot.

……………………and then he wakes up!

tbh i don't know how an actual fic would end, other than the affirmation that yeah things really COULD be worse… it was originally set after cincy because at the time of this convo that felt like the nadir of divorce era (olympic hangover, court meltdown, wada reveal, etc) but this setting is flexible and can be adjusted to accommodate whichever disappointment is freshest.

WAIT ok. i have it. post-ao qf, rumors are swirling about coach break-up. carlitos is visited by visions of the multiverse. he wakes up with this horrible sinking feeling that this is a sign maybe he DOES have to think about a new coach, bc the most important thing about his relationship with juanki has always been the off-court stuff but what if he ultimately has to choose between his coach and his personal happiness. he reluctantly pulls juanki aside for a talk and is like "so… about… my feelings… about jannik…." 

and juanki is like "uGH icb you're making me say this, i don't like it but [grits teeth]. since it's important to you then i. support. you."

and carlos bounds away more convinced than ever that some things are more important than court tactics and probably hits jannik up in dms. the end.

[thorraborinn]

Would it possible at all for you to point me in the direction of how to translate elder futhark runes ie: “Thor, Protector of Humanity”. I���m entertaining the idea of woodburning Norse art.

lol you're gonna hate this. Nobody asks me shit like this anymore so I'm gonna take it too seriously.

Really the answer is "no." I can try to do it for you but I don't think it makes sense for me to say "learn Proto-Norse" and hope for the best. Learning how to do this is a lot more difficult than learning Old Norse or Old English (and tbh "learn ON or OE or OHG" is the actual advice I'd give here). I know you're asking about doing this in general, and not for that phrase in particular, but you happened to provide a good example so I'm going to try a translation and show all my work.

I did put together a very non-exhaustive list of sources on runes available here but honestly that will not get you far here. Turning Proto-Norse into runes is easy, it's the language part that's hard. I also made a big list of deity names in Elder Futhark. Apparently the font embedding broke so it looks like nonsense, and I'm not gonna fight with it now. But the bolded text in each entry can be transliterated into runes. I haven't looked at this in years, but did just update Thor to be more in line with what I have here. Also, don't trust Wikipedia or Wiktionary for this stuff, you can use them as a research tool but verify independently or just use them to find other sources.

If I were in your position, I would consider using Old Norse and the runes that wrote that. Völuspá even gives us a near parallel: Miðgarðs véurr, and one of many ways to write that might be ᚦᚢᚱ ᛬ ᛘᛁᚦᚴᛆᚱᚦᛋ ᛬ ᚢᛁᚢᚱ.

I should make sure sure you're asking what you want to be asking. I'm assuming you want to translate into language that was spoken when the Elder Futhark was used. Some people say "translate" when they mean the less-commonly-known-but-more-accurate "transliterate" (turn "abc" into "ᚨᛒᚲ"). Maybe you just want to go ᚦᛟᚱ ᛬ ᛈᚱᛟᛏᛖᚲᛏᛟᚱ ᛬ ᛟᚠ ᛬ ᚺᚢᛗᚨᚾᛁᛏᛁ and call it a day, and there's nothing wrong with that but you don't need my help for it so I'm guessing that isn't what you mean.

Anyway I'll give you my crack at a translation of the phrase you provided now in case you don't want to read the rest of this but the explanation is after the break:

*þonaraʀ warjaʀ *man(n)akunjas þonaraʀ warijaʀ manakunjas ᚦᛟᚾᚨᚱᚨᛉ ᛬ ᚹᚨᚱᛁᛃᚨᛉ ᛬ ᛗᚨᚾᚨᚲᚢᚾᛃᚨᛊ

(the i ~ ij thing is on purpose. word boundary markers optional)

Thor

There are some unclear phonological aspects of *þun?raz > Þórr. Haukur Þorgeirsson recently addressed this (this article is currently paywalled but for some reason the whole thing loaded just fine for me a few hours ago, not sure why), and I find his conclusions satisfactory, which complicates things. Haukur proposes an earlier *Þunurr but doesn't rule out *Þonarr (or earlier reflex of these). By Haukur's analysis the former is easier to resolve within Old Norse but the latter is more convenient with some other proposals already made, especially by comparative linguists. So we find ourselves with two proposals for the god's name in Elder Futhark-era language: ᚦᚢᚾᚢᚱᚨᛉ *þunuraʀ and ᚦᛟᚾᚨᚱᚨᛉ *þonaraʀ. I'm conditioned to favor *þonaraʀ, but I can't find fault in Haukur's preference for *þunuraʀ within the context of his own paper.

The only reason I'm not siding with it is that it seems impossible to resolve with Old High German donar and Old Saxon thunar (both 'thunder'; compare *eburaz > OHG/OS ebur, not **ebar). So while Haukur's got me convinced that *þunuraʀ seems like a more likely immediate precursor to Þórr, I can't shake *þonaraʀ being what seems to me, at least for now, a necessary precursor to the OHG especially. And for now, "seems necessary" beats "more likely." Of course variation is possible but that isn't a way to handwave conflicting data, it's a whole separate thing to investigate, and I haven't done that yet.

If I were researching something for myself, or for something permanent like a tattoo, I'd keep going and make sure I'm more confident. Even Haukur leaves open possibilities I haven't mentioned here. If nothing else, at least *þunraz no longer seems necessary to maintain (as Ringe 2014 thought following Noreen 1923).

Alternatively, one who does prefer *þunraz as the Proto-Germanic could probably be convinced to allow an epenthetic vowel for Elder Futhark-era language, so we're safe there.

I probably could have left all this out. *þonaraʀ is a fairly normal, mainstream way to reconstruct Þórr. But that wouldn't have been an accurate depiction of the situation. However we work this out, it highlights that what we're doing is not speaking/writing ancient, dead, unattested language. Or, if we are, it's only incidental to the primary thing we're doing, which is trying and sometimes failing to understand how attested words relate to each other, and taking sides in arguments about that.

protector

Selecting a word for 'protector' is difficult. It was only with some hesitation that I went with warjaʀ, a word only attested in compounded personal names like Landawar(i)jaʀ on the Tørvika A stone. It's highly likely to be derived from *warjan- 'to protect/defend.' What's a little weird, though, is that it seems to always be written warijaʀ, in apparent violation of Sievers' Law. I won't get into details here because this post is gonna be long enough as it is, but let it be known the word (and others -- the (i)ja thing recurs a bunch in the Elder corpus) is controversial and my preference for leaving it as it's attested would probably not be universal.

Snorri calls Thor verjandi Ásgarðs, Miðgarðs 'protector of Ásgarðr, Miðgarðr.' To be honest, this isn't the most common use of verjandi; usually it means 'defendant' in a trial, but we can get its meaning from context. We should stop to question whether it could have been used that way some 700 years before Snorri, and once we're satisfied that we can use it we run into trouble again with the non-phonological change of the suffix *-andz > -andi. The *-andz suffix is poorly attested in the Elder Futhark. We have the Tune stone's witada witanda-, but it's a compound word and doesn't give us the nominative ending. Then there's the Eggja stone's suwimąde swimmande and gąląnde galandi which are late enough to be basically fully Old Norse, and doesn't tell us much about earlier language. In Old Norse, these -andi words have the same endings as an n-stem in the singular, and maybe they did in Proto-Norse, but we don't have nominative (or even uncompounded in any case) forms from early enough to be sure. *warjandʀ or *warjanda? Or something else? If not for this, it's the word I'd probably use, and if we want to come as close as we can to technical dictionary accuracy, we'll have to be okay with a shot in the dark at the morphological state of the language.

Also derived from verja are vernd, verndari, vǫrn, vǫrðr. Both vernd and vǫrn mean roughly 'protection' and it makes more sense to say that Thor gives or provides them than that he is them. A vǫrðr is a guard or warden -- Heimdallr is definitely a vǫrðr but I'm not certain Thor is. Most likely, verndari is a later, Norse-era formation, which is unfortunate because it is the word I'd use if we were translating to Old Norse (might go a little bit something like ᚦᚢᚱ ᛬ ᚢᛆᚱ(ᚿ)ᛐᛆᚱᛁ ᛬ ᛘᚭᚿᚴᚢ(ᚿ)ᛋ).

In Old Norse there's also gæta. It isn't attested outside of North Germanic which means relying on internal reconstruction, which isn't great. Kroonen's (2013) *ganhatjan- makes sense and PN *gą̄tijaʀ does seem pretty reasonable as a reconstruction. Semantically, I'm not sure if it's a good fit, though I'm having trouble articulating why. Its meaning should be something like 'to watch, tend, take care of' and in most modern language is more like what Iðunn does with her apples, or what a shepherd does with their flock, than what Thor does with humans, but I don't know that we can be so precise with Proto-Norse and in either case I don't think it's wrong. Actually, perhaps gætir Miðgarðs would be a better way to put it (hint: gætir Miðgarðs < *gą̄tijaʀ miðjagarðas ᚷᚨᛏᛁᛃᚨᛉ ᛬ ᛗᛁᛞᛃᚨᚷᚨᚱᛞᚨᛊ).

The Norse word hlífa might be closer to what we're looking for, though it might only seem that way because we have little evidence to contradict it. In Norse it means 'to protect/defend/shelter (from something)' and works here, but its attestations in other Germanic languages are a little weak and don't inspire confidence in the semantics.

Given all this, I can't help but feel it's best to return to war(i)jaʀ. Though unattested outside of names, it presumably had an independent existence at some point, and is transparently derived from the verb *warjan- 'to defend.' And maybe most importantly, it is actual, attested language. This is a rare opportunity to forget about what I said at the end of the "Thor" section and connect to real language committed to real record by real people.

As an aside, véurr, mentioned way above, is probably etymologically equivalent to vé + warjaʀ, so *wīhawarjaʀ ᚹᛁᚺᚨᚹᚨᚱᛁᛃᚨᛉ.

humanity

We catch a break with 'humanity.' There are complications but they won't end up mattering. There are a few ways to say 'humanity' but they all start man(n)-; we can have our pick of -kin or -kind to end it but -kin is more common, which in PN is *kunja. But the 'man' words in early Germanic languages are a little weird. Sometimes it has one n, sometimes two; it's always two in Old Norse, but it's hard to say if that was true in elder runic language. Fortunately we can sidestep this: in most runes you only write a letter once, even if the sound is long. But to use a connecting vowel or not? Gothic has compounds in mana-, manna-, man-, and mann-. So *man(n)akunja or *man(n)kunja? Well, as Martin Syrett (1994) pounds out, Germanic in general and Gothic in particular are not consistent when it comes to stem vowels in compounds. There's a tendency to spread -a- as a connecting vowel even where it doesn't belong. So we should feel pretty safe that even if *man(n)akunja isn't the inherited form from Proto-Germanic, it was always a possibility. Finally, worst comes to worst, you could just let ᛗ stand for the whole word, given that it's the 'man' rune anyway.

Last, we'll have to put that in the genitive case to make it 'of mankind.' We don't have examples of neuter ja-stems in the genitive from the Elder Futhark but there isn't really strong reason to believe it wasn't *-jas, so: *kunjas.

We've arrived at my answer:

*þonaraʀ warjaʀ *man(n)akunjas þonaraʀ warijaʀ manakunjas ᚦᛟᚾᚨᚱᚨᛉ ᛬ ᚹᚨᚱᛁᛃᚨᛉ ᛬ ᛗᚨᚾᚨᚲᚢᚾᛃᚨᛊ

Anyway I hope you don't mind me going completely over the top answering this, I don't think I realized before starting to answer this that I needed to get it out of my system.

[feelbokkie]

L♡VE IN F♡CUS | Chapter 21

WARNINGS: mention of food/eating, swearing

PAIRING: idol!Changbin x fem reader

GENRE: smau, crack, angst, fluff

P♡V: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

SUMMARY: Amateur concert photographer Y/n has recently been promoted to junior music journalist. Her first assignment? An exposé on the popular Kpop boy group, Stray Kids. Spending an entire tour doing in depth interviews with eight men seems simple enough, but one member isn't exactly open to the idea. Will Y/n be able to break down the walls around his heart, or will her big break turn into a big disaster?

TAGLIST: ♡PENED

W♡RD C♡UNT: 3,573

SCREENSH♡T C♡UNT: 2

A/N: i was going to make this a super duper long chapter but i think i'll also split this into 2

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©feelbokkie (2024) — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.

“Thank you so much,” you say. You take the drink carrier that one of the hotel staff members found and place the coffees you made for you and Wonseok inside. You make sure to carefully wrap up the Danish you grabbed earlier tightly with a napkin before putting it in your bag to prevent crumbs from getting everywhere.

It’s early. Not as early as it normally is when you go down to the complimentary breakfast at whichever hotel you’re at, but early enough for most of the good food to still be available. Luckily for you, most of the people staying at the hotel are still asleep or are already exploring the city, leaving practically no lines and making it easy for you to get what you need.

“Y/n, noona?”

You freeze at the familiar voice calling for you. You know it’s Changbin, you can recognize his voice anywhere especially when he’s trying to be quiet. Even more so when he’s calling for you. He’s developed a habit of calling your name as gently as someone would carry a newborn baby followed by ‘noona’ after a brief pause so short that anyone else would miss it.

Uncertainty laces his voice like he’s not sure it’s actually you. You think for a moment. Maybe if you pretend you heard your phone and keep walking out, then you’d be fine. You know the members tend to roam the hotel and go to the complimentary breakfast on their own. Or at least, without a member of their staff. The hotel has a lot more privacy than any restaurant they might try to go to. And if anything, the hotels are committed to keeping their complimentary breakfast exclusive to the guests so it's a bit safer for them to go off on their own without worrying about running into fans or cameras as much.

"It is you, noona," His voice is closer now, a bit more hushed. A sense of relief in his voice. "Do you want to join me for breakfast?"

You turn to Changbin, a soft smile spreads across your face at the sight of him. His hair is mostly hidden under a black beanie but you can still see some of the soft black tuffs poking out in the back. In his slightly oversized white t-shirt, distressed baggy blue jeans, and plain white sneakers he blends in with the crowd of people inside the dining area. Virtually undetectable to the public but you still can’t shake the nagging feeling at the back of your mind telling you to leave.

“You know the rules,” You remind him gently. “Besides, I’m heading out to meet with one of my best friends from back home.”

"Oh," It's subtle, but Changbin's lower lip juts out as he turns away.

It was one thing when Changbin hated you and actively tried to avoid you. It stung at first and made your job difficult when it came to the interview portion of your day. It was another when the two of you became civil. He wouldn't seek you out as much as the other members did. He'd mostly show up when one of the other members did and would engage in small conversation. But after your little mental breakdown at the start of the second tour, you've met an entirely different Changbin--the most frustrating version of him yet.

The one that pities you.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket, bringing you back to your previous task of meeting with Wonseok. “I have to go. I’ll see you at the show tomorrow,”

“Right,” Changbin nods slowly. You almost feel bad.

Almost.

You know that half of the members have schedules today. You also know that Changbin hates being stuck in the hotel room. You thought that it was something that he said as an exaggeration in an interview. But you've spent enough time with him during the tour to know that he usually would tag along with one of the other members if they were doing something so that he wouldn't be bored. But Han wasn't feeling too well after your exploration day with him and Seungmin for the "Summer A Stay" project. Minho will probably stay the day to take care of him while Hyunjin might sleep in until mid-day. Which means that by the time he wakes up, most of the day might be gone. And even if Hyunjin is ready to go out later or any of the boys who are currently working are ready to go out, Changbin is still going to be bored for several hours.

You give Changbin one more glance before you head to the front of the hotel to wait for a taxi.

"Aren't gallery openings more of an evening thing?" You ask after taking a sip of the apple cider.

"The events that I normally take you and Frankie to are," Wonseok puts a cracker with a piece of cheese in your mouth. He filled up his plate full of hors d'oeuvres enough for the two of you since you can't hold both a plate and a cup with your broken arm. "But this one is for up-and-coming artists and this is a sort of soft launch. Only the press and invited guests are allowed today. Tickets sold out for the next few months for the main event so they added today to lessen the traffic."

The two of you stand in the middle of the gallery in front of an oil painting of a large tree where the roots are sprouting from a skeleton, directly from the heart by an artist whose name you’re not even going to try to sound out, even in your head. It’s a grim painting with a message a bit too morose for you and Wonseok to be taking a snack break in front of, but it’s also the least crowded area of the gallery for now.

Your eyes focus on the child playing near the tree in the painting. “Is this the type of gallery where people can buy art or just look at it?”

“Looking to add some life to your apartment?” Wonseok smirks. Your apartment back in Seoul hardly looks lived in. You only decided to get some plants after Frankie commented on it looking like a jail cell.

You hold back hitting him playfully, not that you have an available hand to do so, and instead roll your eyes at him. “You know for a fact that I couldn’t even afford an art print right now.”

“Which is exactly why I’m paying for everything today.”

“I’ll pay you back when I get paid. I’ve had a lot of free time so I did a bunch of album reviews and introspective pieces for rookie groups. Plus I get royalties from my stuff on the company website.”

“Pretty sure that’s supposed to be resting time so you can heal,” Wonseok takes a sip of his drink, also apple cider, and slightly shakes his head in disapproval.

“I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I’m dead. For now, I need to focus on the present and I’d love to have a place to come home to once the tour is over. Can’t do that if I get evicted for not paying rent.”

Wonseok presses his lips together in a tight line as his eyes shift between you and that painting that seems to have captured your full attention. He takes the last bit of food from the plate—something wrapped in lettuce—and shoves it in your mouth before discarding the paper plate in a nearby trash can. “C’mon, let’s find you a happier piece of art to stand in front of. Look, that one has a puppy in it and a dea…okay maybe not that one. I think we saw a sculpture with butterflies when we first walked in.”

Wonseok’s hand lands on top of your head as he tries to steer you away from the tree painting that you feel strongly akin to, almost like it’s not a metaphor for life and death but a visual representation of how you feel inside. Like you’re the skeleton and everything above ground is every other aspect of your life. But that’s just how art is supposed to work, right?

Your head is turned to the left towards a small crowd standing in front of a piece of art you can’t see. You feel Wonseok pushing you towards the crowd. The two of you barely move a foot away from the tree painting when a random pain in both your stomach and chest forces you to stop dead in your tracks, causing Wonseok to stumble into you. Miraculously, your drink remains in its cup.

"Why'd you stop?"

You're unsure yourself. The strange pain you're currently feeling, although fairly new, isn't entirely foreign to you. It's not consistent either. Sometimes it feels like a vice is being squeezed around your torso. Other times it feels like a horse kicked you so hard that all of the air has left your body. Right now, it feels like you've been struck by lightning thrown by Zeus himself. You thought it was a side effect of the pain medication that you had been taking. But even after making sure you eat enough food with your medicine, the side effects never went away. So, deciding the pain in your arm is much more bearable than whatever is going on internally, you decided to go off your meds and just deal with the pain from your arm.

You turn around and point in the opposite direction at a clay sculpture. You clear your throat and try your best to keep your voice as even as possible. "Let's go look at that one instead."

Wonseok follows your hand to see what you're pointing at. "The illusion piece? We already looked at that one. I took notes on it and everything."

"Maybe a second look will inspire more questions for you to ask the artist. Perspective and all that."

Wonseok furrows his brows as he studies your face for a moment. Seemingly finding what he's looking for, he nods as his face softens. "Sure, we can go look at that one again."

The further you walk away from the crowd, the faster the pain dissipates and you let out a silent sigh of relief.

The two of you walk around the gallery a bit more, appreciating the less crowded pieces. Wonseok explains the art and techniques to you as you walk. Occasionally, Wonseok leaves you alone in front of one of the pieces so that he can interview one of the artists. You make sure to stay in his line of sight so he can find you quickly when he's done.

"Okay, I just need to find one more artist and then we can go. She's supposed to be the star of the gallery and has been someone that everyone is watching. But she's also very introverted. So far, none of the other journalists and artists have talked to her today. But she's here, I saw that she was signed in at the front desk earlier." Wonseok explains as he scribbles into his notebook.

"Is she the one who made the tree painting and other similar still-life pieces?" You ask as you look around the gallery to help find her for him. Luckily, there are pictures of the artist printed in the brochure you were given when you got in.

"Yeah," Wonseok closes his notebook and shoves it into his pocket. "She's the youngest one here too. Barely 17. To exhibit that much talent and to be featured in a gallery like this at such a young age is astonishing. Some of the stuff here she started when she was only 14."

You let out an impressed sound as you continue to scan the room. There are more people than there were earlier, making it harder for you to see through the crowds of people. You try to look past the crowds, along the walls, and in the corners. You know that if you were her, that's where you'd be if you were avoiding people.

As you scan the room, you catch a glimpse of a very familiar face, locked in focus while stroking his chin as he stares at something on the wall.

"Oh...I'm actually going to kill him..." You mumble under your breath.

"Kill who? What happened?" Wonseok looks where you're looking and tries to see what could have unsettled you.

"Right there," You whisper as you point at the man several feet away from me. "It's Seo Changbin."

"Your Seo Changbin?"

Smack

"He is not my Seo Changbin."

Wonseok stares at you with his mouth agape as he rubs the spot on his arm where you hit him. "I didn't mean it like that. When the hell did you get so strong? I just was asking if it was the same Seo Changbin that you've been complaining about for nearly a year."

"Unfortunately," You roll your eyes as you dig for your phone inside of your bag. "He better not come over here. If anyone sees us together, Yoona will have a have a field day."

"Look around, Y/n. Nobody cares that he's here. If they did, they would have swarmed him already. I promise you, nobody recognized him. It's fine,"

"Yeah but..." You look around the room again, seeing if anyone might be looking at Changbin. There are a lot of cameras around, anyone can snap a photo and upload it online.

"It'll be fine. I see the artist I need to interview right there. So let me go talk to her and then we can get out of here before you combust."

Wonseok points just behind Changbin at the girl standing off in the corner with a lanyard around her neck. Sure enough, it's the artist he's been searching for. Wonseok pats your head and starts to walk off in her direction.

"Wonnie, wait," You grab at Wonseok, successfully latching onto a bit of the fabric on the back of his shirt. "Let me go with you. I can help translate."

"I can speak English, Y/n."

"Yeah, but she doesn't know that."

"Y/n," Wonseok lets out an exasperated sigh as he looks at the artist and then back at you. Luckily for him, she hasn't caught on that she's been spotted yet. "Just go stand in that dark corner over there or hide in that bathroom. I'll be back in fifteen--twenty minutes tops. And then I will hand feed you the fish and potatoes or whatever you've been bugging me about."

You look between Wonseok's stressed yet worried face and Changbin's distracted one. If you slip away before Changbin spots you then maybe it'll be fine.

"Fish and chips," You pout.

"Yes, fish and chips. Now please, can I go interview her before she runs away again?"

Before you can finish nodding, Wonseok is off to interview the young artist. You do one more survey around the room, trying to find somewhere to hide. Conveniently, you've also lost sight of Changbin.

"Shit," you mumble under your breath. You turn quickly to disappear into the bathroom, only to be met with a wall.

You squeeze your eyes shut, preparing to hit the ground as something wraps itself around your waist. You crack one eye open and see what's around you. Apparently, the wall has arms.

"I'm so sorry...noona?" Changbin sets you upright and helps you straighten your clothes.

You quickly push his hands off while looking around. "Th-thank you,"

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. What are you doing here?" Changbin sheepishly smiles and throws his hands behind his back.

"It's fine, that's what I get for trying to run indoors." You smooth out your shirt and look up at Changbin. He's wearing the same thing he was when you saw him at the hotel. Only, he's added a dark grey long-sleeve button-up over his shirt and a pair of black-rimmed glasses. "I'm here with my friend, remember? Which staff member are you here with?"

"None," Changbin scratches the back of his head while he looks around the room. Finding what he was looking for, he smiles and waves behind you. "I'm here with Hyunjin. I had nothing to do today and he was invited so he let me tag along."

You turn around and see Hyunjin walking towards you. He's wearing a pair of black cargo pants, a leather jacket that's covering up the white graphic tee underneath, and a black bucket hat that's hiding his recently dyed ash-brown hair. Both of them stick out amongst the nice button-downs and slacks that most of the men are wearing, but you know that once they step outside, they'll blend in.

"Ah, noona, what are you doing here?" Hyunjin asks when he gets closer.

"She's here with one of her friends from home," Changbin answers for you.

"We get to meet one of noona's friends?" Hyunjin smiles. Somehow, you can't tell if it's an entirely innocent look from him.

You turn back to look for Wonseok. His back is turned to you as he continues to interview the artist about her work. No matter how many signals you throw in his direction, he doesn't turn around.

Best friend telepathy is fake.

You are consciously aware of the way that the three of you are standing. You take a small step back, ensuring there is a noticeable gap between you and them.

"Maybe..." Your voice trails off.

You're not sure why you feel so awkward right now. You're with the kids practically every day. You've spent more time with them than your friends in the past few months. Maybe it's the fact that you're trying to avoid ruining their hard work with a scandal that's making you feel uneasy. You were fine yesterday when you were with Han and Seungmin. And you had a brief conversation with Hyunjin in the hallway yesterday when you were walking back to your room after getting a bucket of ice. So why does everything feel weird?

"Noona?" Changbin calls softly, directing your attention to him.

"Huh? Sorry," You shake your head. "I'm a bit hungry so I'm not all there right now. What were you saying?"

"I was just asking if you and your friend want to join us for lunch," Changbin suggests, a large smile etched on his face.

"Um..." You turn around and see that Wonseok is finally making his way back. "I think we have a pretty packed schedule so--"

"That was quicker than I thought it was going to be but I'm done. Ready to go...Oh, they caught you."

You press your lips into a fine line and squeeze your eyes tight as you try to refrain from smacking Wonseok in front of Hyunjin and Changbin. After silently counting to ten, you slowly open your eyes. Hyunjin wears a large teasing smile as he looks between you and Wonseok while Changbin's smile is gone altogether.

"Alright, noona, we get it. We'll leave you two be." Hyunjin smirks as he nudges Changbin who has now returned to being a wall, unmovable and tall.

"What?" You tilt your head to the side and raise an eyebrow at Hyunjin.

Hyunjin looks at Changbin and gives him a strange look before turning back to you. "We see that you're...busy so don't worry about having lunch with us."

Wonseok nudges you suddenly. You turn to him to see what's wrong with him only to be met with him tilting his head towards Changbin and Hyunjin. You gently shake your head 'no,' knowing that he wants you to introduce them to him. The two of you continue to argue silently.

Stubbornly, Wonseok pushes past you and sticks his hand out in front of them. "Sorry, we're still trying to teach Y/n her manners. I'm Park Wonseok. She'll kill me if I get this wrong. You must be...Changbin and...Hyunjin?"

"You're right Wonseok...hyung?" Hyunjin asks as he takes his hand, shaking it firmly.

"Ajusshi," You cough. Wonseok's head snaps back at you, warning you silently that he'll get you later. "Sorry, I have something in my throat."

"Then I guess we should go get you some soup instead of that thing you wanted. Huh?" He smiles mischievously.

"That's not fair, Wonnie," You mumble. Suddenly, you're nerves are at ease and you're back to being calm.

"Then be nice to the person who is buying you things today." He whispers. He turns back to Hyunjin and Changbin. "Why don't the two of you join us for lunch? As a thank you for taking care of Y/n all these months. I know she can't be a pain in the ass sometimes."

"I'm not a--"

"We'd love to, right hyung? Noona doesn't talk much so it'd be fun to get to know her more." Hyunjin smiles as he looks at Changbin, who is still quietly looking between you and Wonseok.

"I don't think--"

"Perfect!" Wonseok claps his hands together. "Let's go, I know just the place too."

Wonseok grabs your good arm before you can protest further and drags you out of the gallery, Changbin and Hyunjin in tow. You repeatedly pinch Wonseok's side to get back at him. Instead of telling you to stop he slides his hand down your arm and firmly clasps your hand, swinging it back and forth between the two of you as you walk.

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

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[bisclavaret]

btw I've added this to my inprnt store :3 you can get it 💕here💕

kittys in love…..

[unnamed-atlas]

Finally finished sweet tooth s3. Having incredibly mixed feelings

[vogelmeister]

been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

The I feel like she sees me line being said to Eddie who is the person that truly sees Buck for all that he is. Are we supposed to take this line at face value which would indicate piss poor writing because they needed to rush to a horrible ending or do we take it as Buck being an unreliable narrator? What was the audience supposed to interpret from Buck saying that, were we truly supposed to believe him or we supposed to be pissed at Buck for saying this to the one person that truly sees Buck?

Good morning to me, I guess.

I'm assuming you haven't really seen people's reactions in the fandom on tumblr because I feel like I saw this said in quite a few posts going around, but you are absolutely not supposed to take this line at face value. I'm surprised that people think you should. 9-1-1 has from the beginning had a habit of turning friendships into romantic relationships (Bathena and Madney) and taking their time with these things rather than having an instalove situation. Even Karen and Hen, who meet when they're set up on a date together, don't instantly fall in love. I do not think they would set Eddie or Buck up for an endgame relationship with a woman by having them date that woman immediately, even if they didn't plan to make Buddie canon.

Buck is clearly struggling post-death. He's lost and once again looking for the answer from a romantic partner. He did a lot of growth in regards to his family relationships this season but not his romantic ones. Remember, his couch ended up destroyed and he asked his latest girlfriend to pick the new one out for him. Again. He's still not picking his own damn couch. After being unable to sleep on the one his mom gave him but passed out instantly on Eddie's where he ran to feel safe.

If people think this is all, somehow, an accident or the writers are doing this without knowing what they're doing, then I can't help you. Do you also think the symbolism I put into my fanfics are a total accident? Do you guys think I picked the name of the poem "Fuchsia Emerald Alizarin Rose" just because the colors are fun and they accidentally spell out F.E.A.R. or do you think maybe I did that absolutely 100% on purpose and was waiting for someone to realize?

Buck saying that to Eddie is 100% supposed to make the audience raise their eyebrows. Especially when we see Eddie's reaction. He's confused and he's hurt and he's annoyed. Eddie then spends his next few lines showing Buck (and us) that he sees Buck. Buck misses it, it goes right over his head, but the audience is shown that Buck is wrong and Eddie sees him.

I think there was a lot of internal stuff going on behind the scenes way high up the ladder that meant Buddie didn't happen this season. No, I don't mean that in a tinhatting way, I just mean that they knew Fox wouldn't renew them, they didn't know if they'd get picked up somewhere else, Fox hasn't promoted or cared about this show the way it has its other shows in a while, and I think it's pretty clear there was shuffling and changes going on with 6B. So I think things had to be put off. Similar to the pandemic, where I genuinely wonder what kind of season four we would've gotten if we'd had the full 18 episodes and hadn't had to work around Covid. I think that when we know there was a big shift going on behind the scenes, we need to have some grace and patience in how that will effect the story that's told on screen.

But I think that this default to "everything good we see on our screens is an accident and the writers are making shitty choices" is a horrible bad faith argument, and it's exhausting. Aren't you exhausted? I'm exhausted. Fandom shouldn't treat the writing and production team like their enemies any more than the writing and production team should treat the fans like their enemies in some kind of war they have to win (looking at you, GoT showrunners).

We are supposed to be annoyed that Buck is missing the point. We are supposed to see Buck's yearning to be a husband and a father, and how he's missing what's right in front of him. We are supposed to put two and two together and see that Eddie was hurt by Buck's words, that Eddie sees Buck, that Eddie is Buck's safe place, and that Eddie in that moment decided he might not have a chance with Buck and needs to move on, because previously we saw Eddie admit he wants romance again but he doesn't want to go out on dates, we saw his aunt say she met her husband through work, we saw him say 'we have time' and then we saw him immediately after Buck tells him about this new girl who "sees him" flee to visit his mother and then immediately actually try dating. On a meta level this is also because Eddie needs confidence in himself as a romantic partner and needs some more experience under his belt before he's ready to take the plunge with Buck, but in Eddie's mind, I think it's pretty clear he feels Buck will never want him back and he's trying to find the love he wants somewhere else, even if his heart is still Buck's.

So that's what I think. I think it's not explicitly spelled out for a few reasons, but frankly if one of them was a woman we wouldn't need it explicitly spelled out and personally I kinda like that it's not. Something that annoys me with M/F pairings is the constant "we all know you two like each other" talks from third parties that half the time aren't about the characters but are about the audience, to either tell the audience SEE THEY LIKE EACH OTHER THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT or to give the audience some fanservice while the characters aren't ready to get together. I don't need to be pandered to that way, thank you, so I'm a fan of the slightly more subtle approach that I, personally, see going on with Buddie.

If you or anyone else disagrees with me and feels it was just "piss poor writing" then that's entirely your right. I'd just appreciate it if people who feel that way would stop watching the show, and stop putting their complaints into the inboxes of people who clearly do enjoy the show.

TL;DR - You answered your own question, Buck is an unreliable narrator (and always has been) and we are supposed to be frustrated he said this to Eddie who has proven time and again (and does so in that very scene) that he sees Buck.

[gibbearish]

u ever have to back out of a drama explained video bc ur like. i agree that that person was in the wrong but the way youre presenting them is just unsettling

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[yelloworangesoda]

im in a bad mood.

[exopelagic]

I am baking cake at midnight and it is going to kill me <3

[buckyalpine]

18+ Minors dni Enemies to lovers with some massage therapist Bucky. Breeding kinnk, aftercare, Bucky is a secret softie, all that.

Imagine Rival Biker Bucky x f reader. A smutty, slutty little concept while I add the finishing touches to another fic, just getting this out of my system first. I just love the idea of a sexy, bad boy Bucky getting his hands on the one girl who won't give him a second glance because she's too good for him and they're from opposite worlds. Since childhood. Now he's a biker. Covered in black ink. He works in an auto shop. Owns the bar that brings in chaos. He's smoke, whiskey and leather.

She, however, is soft, pretty, smart and does not have the time to entertain someone like him. She has her degree. Working on a second. She has a career. She does not associate with the likes of him, not as the police chiefs daughter. She'll be damned if she has to even breathe the same air, especially when his gang is the cause for half the problems in the town that her father has been trying to get rid of.

Now, imagine that hours of working on her notes and papers leave her with unbearable knots and kninks in her back. She doesn't want to take a break but the pain only gets worse as the week goes by. It doesn't take long for her to shoot her regular massage therapist a message to book the very first available appointment.

-

You unclasped your bra, folding and setting it off to the side while waiting for Wanda in the warmly lit room. You could have sworn she was a witch with the way she made pain disappear; she’d also become a good friend after your many visits.

The knock at the door interrupted you as you slid your shorts off, leaving you in your panties, not rushing to jump onto the table considering it was just Wanda anyway.

“Come in!” You smiled, making your way to the massage bed as the door clicked open- “Oh my God!!” You nearly shrieked seeing Bucky walk in, a shit eating from spreading across his face as you scrambled to grab the tiny towel to cover yourself though it was a futile attempt. “What the hell are you doing here?!”

"You have an appointment, don't you?" He quirked an eyebrow as if it was clear as day why he was there.

"Yeah, with Wanda, why are you here, did you get lost on the way to jail?" Your face scrunched in a mix of confusion and disgust ignoring the roll of his eyes while you snatched your shirt to better cover up.

"Well Wanda couldn't make it in but she sent me" He said with a shrug, sighing when he saw your less than impressed face, "Don't flatter yourself, I'm just training under her as part of my physiotherapy internship"

"I'm sorry, you're trying to tell me you of all people are learning how to give massages? Please"

"Physiotherapy" Bucky corrected, "You're not the only one who has a degree, princess" Bucky watched as you groaned realizing you hadn't put your bra on, opting to stuff it in your bag instead of putting it back on in front of him.

"You are NOT laying a finger on me-ow!" You hissed, feeling the knot in your back tug at the rest of your muscles.

"You're not gonna be able to do a whole lot with that much pain" Bucky smirked, only half joking. He wasn't wrong. The pain was worse than before and you needed this an you really didn't have the time to reschedule.

"Fine" You mumbled, turning away from him so you could take your shirt off again, glaring at him when you noticed he hadn't turned away. "Could you at least give me some privacy instead of lurking in the corner like a pervert"

"Whatever you want, princess" He bit his lip as he faced the wall, hearing your feet pad across the tile to lay down on the massage table.

"Alright" You huffed after covering your lower body with the towel, now laying face down, immediately second guessing yourself as he walked over.

"Let me know if anything's uncomfortable or if you want me to stop" His voice was no longer snarky; in fact he sounded professional. "Where do you feel the most tension?"

"Um-shoulders and-lower back" You mumbled out the last bit, he was going to massage you there anyway so there so no pointed hiding it. You tensed at the feeling of his oiled fingers starting to work at your muscles, he had no right to be that good. At all.

“Shit” you hissed trying to keep your voice down, ignoring the clench of your stomach feeling his rough fingers press down on the areas that were tight. Little did you know Bucky was struggling far more than you were.

It went against every bit of professionalism he had. Every moan you tried to silence went right to his cock, his hands making their way lower before trailing up again. Fuck, you sounded so pretty...

"Better stop making those sounds"

"Or what" You challenged back before you could even stop yourself.

"Princess..."

"Your attitude is what needs fixing" Bucky growled, professionalism be damned, "fuck this"

-

You have no idea how you ended up here. It didn't matter though, not when there wasn't a single cohesive thought in your brain as you wailed letting Bucky absolutely rail you. Your back didn't feel an ounce of pain as he took you on all fours, pulling your hips to slam back against him, gripping your ass with enough strength to leave you sore.

"Feel better now huh baby, not trying to stay quiet anymore, are ya" He let out a low chuckle which melted into a groan feeling you tighten on his dick, "Such a good little princess like you letting me put my dick in you, dirty girl"

You hate to admit it but the clench of your cunt betrays how much you love this. It was so wrong. You had no business fucking someone like him and yet where you were letting his precum paint all over the inside of your walls.

"What would your daddy say princess, if he knew where you were right now, what you were doin'? Thinking you're studying when you're actually all pretty and naked, letting me rub that gorgeous body up and down, bet you'd let me put my cum in you too, huh? Bet your dad would love that, his perfect little girl all knocked up with some bikers baby"

You could have said no, stayed silence, just about anything but nope. You screamed feeling his fingers reach around the massage your clit, your orgasm wasting no time hurling towards you.

"Ja-Ja-JAMESSS"

"MMMPHH I love the sound of that baby, could get used to hearing you sayin' my name, say it again princess, say my name with my cock in you, c'mon, that's it"

"Fuck-James-I-James" You were a mess and loving every bit of it, tears starting to flow down your cheeks, all the pent up stress you were feeling finally releasing. You felt your throat tighten, a sob escaping your lips as you let go, your arousal making a creamy mess on the dark curly hair on the base of his cock.

"God, you're milkin me, you want my cum that bad huh baby, want a little biker baby in that tummy of yours, I'll give it to you, give you so much I might even put twins in there-FUCKK"

-

"Shhhh" Bucky cooed, wrapping you up in a fluffy towel while cuddling up your limp body, wiping away any remnants of tears while you stayed floating in a subby, post sex haze. "I got you, you did so good princess" You only manage to let out a weak whimper, giving into his warm, thick arms that rock you.

"You alright angel?"

"Mph" you mumble against his chest and he reaches over for a glass of water that's nearby, bringing it up for you to take a sip. You're surprised at how sweet he's being, drinking up before snuggling into him again. Damn him for being so warm and comfy.

"Y'know, there might be a little Bucky in there" He whispers with a playful smirk in his voice, fingers tickling your lower belly, chuckling when you narrow your eyes at him.

"You wish" You sass back, ignoring the butterflies you feel.

"I do" He admits, biting his lip, his previous cocky demeanor replaced with a shy one, though he tries to mask it. Poorly. His cheeks are pinker than the time you threw paint on him for pulling your pigtails. When you were both 4. "I'd want Bucky jr. to have your brains though"

Imagine that incident sets off a very interesting chain of events. A confession of feelings. You both couldn't be happier, meanwhile your father is grumbling about how he knew this fuckin' day would come, God damn it.

"I never liked that boy" He struggles to keep a scowl on his face watching you giggle like you were 4 again, running to the door as soon as you hear the rumble of his bike.

"Shut up, you love him" Your mom chides, watching Bucky swoop you up for a loving kiss, heading you a bouquet of yellow flowers as he always does.

-

"I still don't like 'em" Your dad says while you roll your eyes, your arm linked with his as he walks you down the aisle.

"Is that why all the files you had to build a case against him all suddenly went missing?" You tease and your dad shugs.

"Wasn't me"

-

just an idea.

[genderqueerdykes]

btw 'syscourse' and plural infighting isn't accomplishing anything. back in the late 90s and early 2000s, the only communities and resources for plurals that were widely available were for and by non-traumagenic systems. the only people who were advocating for normalizing and accepting plurality on a large scale were non-traumagenic systems. if you did research into plurality 10 - 15 years ago, most of the results that came up would have been experiences written by spiritual and natural plurals.

many people at the time were expressing their dislike of forcing every single plural to identify as if they had trauma- many found this insulting to themselves, and rightfully so! no one should be forced to identify in a way they don't agree with just to rightfully be a part of a community they already occupy. this obsession with "you can only be plural if you have trauma" has only come about extremely recently. i found out about plurality through the otherkin community. i was actually told about DID by someone in the spiritual plurality community. people don't seem to understand that most non-traumagenic systems have respect for traumagenic systems and don't gatekeep their spaces to prevent us from entering.

older plural spaces on the web like healthymultiplicity accepted all plurals. the goal of the community was to show that you can live as plural and not have it be a tragedy or something to "fix". if anything, folks with dissociative disorders owe a LOT to non-traumagenic systems for pushing to normalize plurality without implying that we HAVE to integrate our headmates and try to stop being plural. a huge part of the early online plural community was there to push that plurals can and do live happy lives and shouldn't view their plurality as a bad thing

it's not going to make singlet society see us in a better light. it's not going to get people to understand plurality better. it's not going to get us better mental health resources. it's not going to improve the quality of care for dissociative and traumagenic systems. all you're doing is bullying someone else that you don't understand simply because you don't agree with them.

you're not going to recover from your trauma or understand your own plurality better by denying the existence of other types of plurality. you're not "making the community safer" by gatekeeping. telling other people how their brains work is policing their identities. whether or not you want to accept it, if you forcefully kick endos out of plural spaces, you are the cop you claim to hate.

fighting with people on your own team will never net you a victory. to every other dissociative and traumagenic system: endos are on your side. you are wearing the same jersey. you are made of the same flesh and blood. enough. come together to share your similarities instead of fighting over differences. celebrate the diversity that plurality offers. don't take someone else's identity personally. someone can share the space with you without having to match exactly how you identify. diversity is what makes a community thrive.

[fungateshortcakes]

Tummy ache

Do I have kids? No. Do I want kids? Fuck no. Did I still write this because dad logan makes me feel a certain type of way? HELL YES

Pairing: Worst!Logan x single mom!Reader

Summary: It's late and your little daughter Laura won't stop crying and screaming, no matter what you do. You take her to your best friend Wade, who lives in the same apartment buildung. Will he and Logan be able to help you?

Wordcount: 3.4k

Warning/tags: english is not my first language, fluff, slight missunderstandings, Wade bc he needs a warning, implied sexual themes, friends to lovers, just cuteness, Laura doesn't exists as an adult like in the movie, rushed ending?, leave me alone I finished this at midnight

__________________________________

Logan was snoring on the couch in Wades apartment when loud, frantic knocks sounded on the door. He grumbled in annoyance as he turned, pulling a pillow over his head.

He heard Wade skip to the door in a pair of white underpants with hearts on them and a loose, grey wolverine fangirl shirt. "Must be the horse dildo I ordered" he spoke happily as if it was the most normal thing to say. Once Wade opened the door, the piercing shrieks of a baby crying echoed through the apartment.

You held your one year and a half old daughter in your arms, her face red as she cried into your shoulder. Wade noted that your hair was a mess and you seemed awfully tired. Well- it was late and on any other day, you and your daughter would already be sleeping. But there was clearly something that bothered her. She had been crying and screeching and in discomfort for an hour without you finding what caused it or how to fix it.

You tried feeding her, but she wouldn't open her mouth for the spoon. You tried reading to her, but she would always push away the books. You changed her diapers in case her sensitive skin was irritated by the dampness, but she hadn't peed. You didn't know why she was so distressed and nothing seemed to distract her from whatever it was that made her cry.

You were desperate. And while your best friend Wade wasn't really...fond of kids, which you couldn't blame him for, you still went to him for help. You never truly wanted kids yourself. But when the condom broke and your ex left you upon finding out you were pregnant, you were stuck with your baby. And now you wouldn't trade her for the world. Except in times where she was screaming with no appearant reason. "Hey Wade, I'm so sorry to bother you guys this late at night, but Laura, she won't stop crying. I've tried everything and I don't know what to do" you croaked, rocking the small child in your arms, shushing her to no avail.

Wade brought you inside so you wouldn't stay outside in the hallway any longer. No need for some neighbors to peek their head out of their doors to see what was going on.

In situations like these, Wade could be oddly serious and actually tried to help. He knew you were insecure because of your baby. You didn't want to be a nuisance or burden to anyone because you knew that your daughter could be a lot. Kids were high maintanance and you didn't want to make people feel like they were obligated to make room and drop everything once you arrived with your child. You couldn't expect from anyone that they were okay with you bringing your kid over. But Wade wanted you to know that even though he didn't like kids, you were his best friend and Laura had been nothing but a sweetheart so far. You were always welcome in his apartment.

Wade kicked Logan from the couch "Get your fat ass off the couch, the Lady needs a place to sit" he loudly said over Lauras crying. Logan groaned. You sat on the sofa and tried to take up as little space as possible. "Im sorry Logan, didn't want to disturb your sleep." you apologized meekly. "I can..I can move to the chair here" you muttered, pointing to an uncomfortable-looking wooden chair that replaced an armchair, which had recently been thrown out of the apartment due to mysterious stains and various rips and cuts in the fabric.

You had met Logan a few times since he lived with Wade and Althea. And you would be a liar if you said he didn't catch your eye. He was tall, broad and very handsome, pretty much right up you alley. But there was no way he was looking for a chaotic single mother that barely had her life together and struggled to raise an unplanned child because her ex left her. Yeah, no. You were miserable. Logan didn't need any of that.

Adding to that, he always seemed to avoid you when Laura was near. You just thought he didn't like kids, which was totally fair. Truthfully, Logan liked kids and had always wanted some of his own, but it just...never happened. With him being the worst wolverine and all.

Then why did he avoid you and your baby?

Simply said, he didn't want to scare her. Most kids looked at him like he was some sort of big, bad monster. Some ran away, some started crying, others hid from him behind their parents when he walked by. He wasn't good with children either because they never let him close enough before getting scared. He was afraid that Laura would react the same way like all children did. He didn't want you to back away once you realised that Laura didn't approve of him.

He couldn't bear only seeing you from afar.

As you were about to stand up from the couch, Logan stopped you. "No, its fine. Stay on the couch. I can move" he replied and you felt another pang as he moved away from you again.

Wade leaned over the couch, looking down at Laura who was still wailing uncontrollably. You sighed deeply, a throbbing ache behind your eyes. "Why won't you stop crying? What's wrong, sweetheart?" you nearly sobbed as well. You were so tired of this, so tired of this sound. You felt so helpless and stupid. "Maybe she wants some food? We have some left-over pizza, I can grind that stuff up into a slurry for her or something" Wade suggested.

You softly shook your head. "She doesn't want to eat, I tried. I also tried to read her a bedtime story, but she just push me away. I also changed her diapers but nothing helped" you rasped, ready to just fall asleep on the spot.

Wade reached down to get your crying daughter out of your arms. "How about you get some sleep while Wolvie and I take care of Laura? Maybe we'll find out what's rubbing her the wrong way." Wade said, cooing to your crying baby. You fell onto the couch, closing your eyes. "I can't just sleep when she is crying" you mumbled, clearly deadly tired.

"We'll take care of her. You go sleep" Logan drawled and his deep voice soothed you even more, made you even more sleepy. It was so easy to let your body betray your mind and you hated it. "Okay..." you whispered, too tired to argue. And before you could snuggle into the couch cushions, you felt two strong arms slip under your body and lifting you up as if you weighted nothing. You were so tired, you couldn't even gasp or protest as Logan brought you into Wades room, your senses enveloped with his scent.

He carefully lowered you down onto the matress, covering you up with a blanket. "Sleep tight, love. We'll take great care of your little one, so you don't have to worry about a thing" he drawled softly and only after closing the door behind him did he hope that you hadn't catched his slip-up, that he had called you love.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

In had been another two hours of constant crying and screaming. The kid must be exhausted from all the crying, but she still didn't stop. If you asked Logan, it became even worse.

"God, can you shut up for a minute? I am trying everything here!" Wade stressed, bouncing Laura in his arms and patting her back. "Don't tell your mom I said that" he whispered right after. Laura wailed and pushed herself away from Wade with her tiny hands, which were surprisingly really strong. She squirmed in his grasp, desperate to be set down.

"This is how you thank me? I've worked my ass off the past hour to get everything to your liking and now you push me away?" he grumbled, but set her down with a loud 'ouch!' after she started to scratch him.

Her tiny feet waddled against the livingroom floor as fat tears rolled down her chubby cheeks. She had a tummy ache, but she couldn't communicate that with anyone. There were a few words she knew and could say- cat, dog, mama. But she didn't have the words to say that something was hurting.

Logan sat on the couch and watched her as she stood a few feet away from him with her red face, screaming together the whole neighborhood. He sighed deeply, the sound making his ears ring. Then, out of nowhere, she waddled over to him.

"No, no, bub. Not a good idea. Get back to uncle Wade" he told her, scooting up the couch a bit more. He could have just stood up and walk away- why didn’t he? Laura stood between his legs now, demanding uppies from him as she cried. Logan shook his head, ready to call Wade from the kitchen, when Laura began screetching, stretching herself to Logan, standing on her small tip toes.

With a huff, he picked her up, his big and warm hands eveloping her small body. He leaned back against the couch with her on his lap. To his surpise, she quieted down. "You okay now, bub?" he asked her, jumping as she snuggled herself against his chest. Due to his mutation, Logan was always very warm. His whole body was like a heater and that warmth soothed Lauras tummy ache, unbeknownst to him.

The apartment was quiet now, only a few hiccups and sighs coming from Laura as she let her stomach ache be washed away by Logans cozy warm body. He didn't know what to do! One minute he was tortured by her screams and now she was napping on him. On him! Out of all people, she chose to rest on him.

"Is she dead!?" It was now Wades turn to yell as he came stumbling into the kitchen because it suddenly went all quiet. Logan didn't answer him nor did he move a muscle, too scared to wake your baby up.

"What the fuck" Wade blurted out upon seeing something he had never thought he would ever witness in his entire life. Logan shushed him, making Wade frown. He came closer, his face next to Lauras sleeping one "You little cheating slut" he sharply whispered, earning himself a shove from Logan. "Seriously, did you knock her out? Why is she sleeping all of a sudden?" Wade asked with crossed arms.

"I don't know. She wanted me to pick her up, so I did. Then she stopped crying and fell asleep" Logan explained, a warm feeling spreading in his chest as he watched the slow rise and fall of Lauras breath, her tiny hand tightly holding onto his shirt.

"Wow" Wade said. "You're the baby whisperer" Logan shot him a glare.

Wade went on a rant about how everything would have been easier if Logan took Laura from the start before finally falling asleep draped over the chair, leaving Logan alone with his thoughts. For a moment, Logan thought about bringing Laura to you so she could sleep with her mom. But as he tried to peel her off of him, she started fuzzing and whimpering until she was laying back on his chest.

He sighed deeply. Well, gotta make the best of the situation, huh? With a grunt, he made himself comfortable on the couch and fell asleep with a broad hand securily holding Laura on top of him.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

You woke up well rested. Weird. You haven't slept this good since Laura had been born.

Laura!

You jumped awake, stumbling over some stuff in Wades room before you reached the door. It was quiet as you opened it and you were met with the sight of Logan, the fucking Wolverine, sound asleep with your daughter cuddled up on him as if he was some kind of big teddy.

Your heart soared in your chest, your stomach did flips and summer saults. And your pussy throbbed. Couldn't help it, seeing him with your baby did something to your ovaries. It was...so cute. You wanted nothing more than to snuggle up with them, trace patterns onto his pecks while Laura would squeak out an adorable smile-

"Mama" Laura squealed suddenly, flashing you a smile with her few teeth. "Hey there, baby" you cooed to her, kneeling down next to the couch to be eye-level with her. She smiled brightly, whatever it was that had bothered her yesterday completely forgotten. "You seem happy using uncle Logan as a pillow" you said to her, kissing her chubby cheek.

Logan started waking up, only registering Laura at first. "You slept well, bub?" he muttered with a deep sleep laced voice, gently rubbing Lauras small head with his large hand that easily fitted around the back of her head.

"Yes, I did. Thank you for asking" you giggled softly, amused by the way Logan nearly jumped out of his skin upon noticing that you were there too, witnessing how he went soft for your daughter. An embarrassed blush krept onto his face and he cleared his throat, sitting up and avoiding your gaze. "Sorry, she...she only stopped crying when she sat on my lap"

You smiled softly at him. "Seems like she really likes you, then." and I like you too, you wanted to add, but didn't. "She is usually not that touchy with people she barely met" you said and hearing your reassurance- the fact that Laura seemed to like him- it warmed his heart. But he would never admit that.

"Well, I guess I'm flattered" Logan replied with the hint of a smile, his gaze soft as you lost yourself in his eyes, Lauras babbling fading into the background. For a moment, you let yourself think about what could have been. This baby, it could have been Logans and yours. She could have been born because two people truly loved each other. Did Logan love you? You doubted it. But when he looked at you like that, you allowed yourself to be fooled.

"I don't know how you manage to fuck each other just with your eyes, but get a room. There are children present" Wade suddenly said outraged, covering Mary Puppins eyes.

You picked up Laura from Logans lap, holding her against your hip to bring distance between you, Logan and Wades teasing. Logan cleared his throat, clearly disappointed.

"I am so, so thankful that you guys helped me. I don't know what you did or what was wrong with her, but she seems all better now. Is there anything I can do to show my gratitude? you asked, gently bouncing Laura in your arms.

Logan shook his head "No need, bub" he grumbled in his deep voice. He would have done this a thousand times if it meant he could hold your baby in his arms as if it was his. "Make that creamy ass mac and cheese and my life is yours. That stuff tastes and sounds better than any pussy" Wade chimes in, making you laugh. You promised to invite both of them over for dinner sometimes this week and they happily agreed. Laura squeaked out a cute "bye!" before you went back to your own apartment again.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

Ever since that day, visits to either Wades or your apartment became more frequent and Laura couldn't be happier seeing Logan pretty much every day. She would stick to his leg from the minute she saw him and to the last second before he left. It was adorable and made you fall even deeper in love with someone you could never have.

Wade made it his mission to steal Laura away from you and Logan. Partly because he wanted you to spend more time alone, and to teach her some words since he was her 'uncle' after all.

Laura sat on his lap, staring down at Wades phone. He looked over her head. He had a picture open that showed you, Laura, Logan and Wade. "And who is that?" he pointed to you, earning a delighted squeal from Laura as she pointed to your smiling face on the picture as well "Mama!" she babbled. Wade cheered her on, applauding her. "That's right, and that is Dada. Dada" he pointed to Logan. Laura recognized him, smiling brightly and giggling, but she didn't say anything. "Can you say that? Dada?" Wade asked in the best baby voice he could muster. But still, Laura wouldn't say anything. "Come on, say Dada. Da-da" Wade tried one last time, but Laura unwrapped himself from his arms to go and play with some toys scrattered on the floor. He huffed in frustration. It was easier to teach kids swear words than this.

Two days later, the day for the dinner came and someone rang your doorbell. You left Laura to play on her playmat and went over to the door, opening it a slit before realising that it was Logan. You fixed your hair with flushed cheeks, you hadn't expected him to come this early, you had just started the dinner preperations. "Oh, hey Logan. What are you doing here? Dinner was planned in two hours" you said, gingerly letting him into your apartment which you hadn't had the time to tidy up yet. Logan wasn't the guy to judge, but you still felt insecure.

"I thought I'd help you with the cooking and all. Look after Laura so you can work in peace" he said, knowing that he was just here to spend more time with you and Laura alone to give him the feeling of having his own little domestic family that he will never actually experience.

You smiled at him "That's very nice of you, but Laura is actually being very umcomplicated today" speaking of which, you showed him that your kid was silently playing with her toys. Upon noticing you and Logan, she squealed and stood up slowly, trying to keep her balance, before she waddled up to him excitedly. "There's my little pumpkin" he drawled, bending down to pick her up swiftly.

"Dada!" she giggled, making you an Logan stop in your tracks. "Did you hear that?" he asked you, looking over at you with a shocked expression. You frowned. You had never taught her to say that. "Sweetheart, who is that?" You asked the little girl, tapping Logans arm, just to be sure you hadn't heard her incorrectly. "Dada" she squeaks again, playing with his coarse beard.

You both looked at each other in disbelieve and for a second, you feared Logan woulf shove Laura into your arms and leave. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't know where she got that from" you tried to apologize, but the rejection from Logan never came.

He held her lovingly to his chest, giving her forhead a kiss. It made your heart pound faster. "No, it's okay" he reassured you, his large hand enveloping the back of Lauras head. "I...I could be her dad. If you want me to be" his question struck you like lightning, it was like a damn marriage proposal.

A marriage proposal you would never say no to. He looked at you with hopeful eyes, waiting for your answer and worrying he had overstepped.

"Yes. Be the father she never had. And please be the love I always wanted" you whispered, leaning up to kiss him. The kiss was soft, your lips brushing against the other and it was nothing you had ever felt before. You had kissed your ex- but never did it feel like this. So right. His free hand snaked around your waist, deepening the kiss until Laura decided to pull at your shiny necklace.

You smiled at her, taking her into your arms. "Do you want to play with daddy while I make mac and cheese?" you asked your daughter and minutes later, Logan had brought her playmat and some toys into the kitchen to sit beside her on the ground to watch and entertain her. It was like nothing had changed. Little did you know, Logan had accepted the little girl as his daughter way before today, even if you guys had never confessed.

And as you stole glances down to Logan, who was already looking at you with these half lidded bedroom eyes, you knew that after dinner, Logan and you would be trying for Lauras sibling.

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I really hoped you liked this, I feel like I've rusted a bit. Still got a lot of smut ideas and fics open that I need to finish. Wish me luck☹ if you saw any grammatical mistakes, no you didn't. Leave me alone im tired

Btw, thanks to @buck-star for motivation me to finally finish this <33